tonight's rant

i would just like to say that cingular/at&t wireless have the worst billing system ever. EVER. they keep OVERbilling me every month, only to credit it back the next. every time. at least they're consistent.

but i would like to thank ben with the cute canadian accent for all his help and being so understanding. :)

anonymous proposition

haha. so i wrote:
it's beautiful outside, and i'm sitting in my room.

he replied:
Let's meet somewhere (Rock Creek Park?) for some mid-afternoon, no-holds-barred al fresco fucking? We can celebrate Nature, and our co-mingles bodies. It's what you want, yes?

i think i've had my laugh for the day. :)

sigh

i have some frustrating reproductive issues. fingers crossed, i hope it isn't anything *gulp* serious.

dr. b: are you sexually active?
me: well. [pause] no.
dr. b: [blank stare]
me: no.

>.<

almost there

today, i moved about 99% of my stuff into the bigger room. i still have some clothes left in my old room, but i can get those tomorrow. ryan came over and helped with a lot of the moving. he did exactly as a boyfriend should. ;) after all the stuff was moved, he just laid around, playing with a crappy little "digital" camera and trying to figure out some voice recognition thing on my powerbook. :P i have evidence:

*sigh*

raaaaaalph!

i just watched "ladder 49." (not a bad movie - i think i have a crush on joaquin phoenix now.) there's this one guy that looked really familiar but i couldn't place him. i looked him up on imdb. turns out, he was ralph in "lord of the flies"! :P mm, he was cute in that movie - and he still is. ;)

DATE tonight. :D ryan's coming over, and i need to wash the paint off myself.

:)

revirDAKA: I tend to look forward to the weekend so much that I forget you're mine all week. :D

house pictures

this is the addition on the back of our house:


i'm amazed that it's even this far along. my dad began work on our basement 16 years ago. to this day, it is half-finished. but look at this! the inside is almost done too. his bedroom is definitely finished (it's the upstairs part with the different sized windows - there's another one on the side you can't see, and it too is different). the kitchen is close to finished. the gutted old kitchen is still in the works.

see the rest of the pics here.

i have been breathing paint fumes all day. i think i'm high.

memories

ahh... what a beautiful day it was. would you believe this was taken on alcatraz? the golden gate bridge came out nicely. :D


ryan took this picture of me. :) i think it came out well. one of a rare few pictures of me i will ever show.

pictures

posted in the "San Francisco" album. (click on post title.)

home again...

and i really did NOT miss the cold weather. :P

my post before i left was a lie. i DID end up going across the golden gate bridge (both ways), thanks to ryan's friend who gave us a quickie tour of SF. anyway, i didn't have my camera with me because i didn't know we would be driving around the city so i didn't get a picture of the bridge at night. well, i've got pics which i'll get posted tomorrow (maybe). :)

note to ryan: add SF to our list. ;) with a couple tick marks next to it. :D

the golden gate bridge... i won't actually be there, but i'll be near it. isn't that a beautiful picture? i took it from the alcatraz website. i'd love to be on the beach and see this. there's that scene in "sweet november" where keanu is sitting on the beach at sunset. :) lovely.


ryan and i will be touring alcatraz. this is such a neat picture. who knew it could look this nice? i'm taking my camera but i doubt i'll take any really good pictures like this. :P i wish i could, the pictures on the website are so good.

:)

what's pink and sweet and makes you moan?

a nasty shake from mcdonald's. yuck. never again.

by this time on saturday east coast time, i will have landed in san francisco. by this time on saturday west coast time, we will have checked into our hotel and be off enjoying the city. yay. :D

i'd like to thank melissa for reminding me - once again - that my birthday is fast approaching. (why do i keep forgetting it?) she is having a birthday get-together with another girl from high school next saturday night. i'm contemplating going. i have to respond to the evite soon. hmm. i haven't seen her in a long time, and it would be nice to see old friends. i shall discuss with ryan and see if he'd be up for it.

i have what they want

i keep getting emails from eHarmony about guys i've matched with and from the guys themselves requesting "communication." i don't know what i did to make my profile active, and i don't see how to deactivate it without completely erasing it. anyway, did you know their prices are insane? really - 29 dimensions of personality? who knew?

i think they just like the idea of talking to a school teacher. perverts. (well, not you, ryan. :D)

i leave for SF in a few days. i'm ready for warmer weather. snow and freezing temps after a nice 60-degree day really ruin your mood.

anyway, off to go shopping.

sometimes

in the blink of an eye, i felt the world crumble around me. i pulled my knees to my chest as i curled into a ball and closed my eyes. i prayed that shutting out the light from the world would make the world disappear, and along with it, all those things that scared me. the harder i squeezed my eyes, the less light i could see, but somehow, it didn't make a difference.

try as i might, i knew that when i opened my eyes, the world would be as i had last remembered. or were those images burned into my mind really what i remembered? this time, tears came out when i squeezed my eyes shut, but i knew it was useless. i didn't know up from down, let alone reality from fantasy. what had happened while i was asleep? had the world finally abandoned me with little to hold onto?

for days, i believed i had nothing left in this world. who was i? had it been real? i saw myself walk toward the edge - the edge i knew so well - the edge that had haunted me for so long - the edge. there on the edge, i closed my eyes and wished for the world to disappear, knowing nothing would come of it.

but then i heard my name. faint but distinct. for a second, i thought it was just the wind, but i heard it again. this time, it was closer, right behind me. i took a step away from the edge and opened my eyes. i wanted to turn around, but what would i find? i took a deep breath and swiveled my head just enough to see behind me from the corner of my eye. there was someone there. and he called my name again.

who was he? i turned around completely and faced this stranger. he continued to call my name; it was still the same soft voice i had heard just a minute ago, but clearer. he reached his hand out toward me, beckoning me. he wanted me to come closer. or did he just want me to move away from the edge? both perhaps? i took a step toward him, and another, and another, until i was close enough to touch his hand by reaching out my own. i stopped. what was i doing? he saw the question on my face and stepped forward. he nodded, wanting me to put my hand out.

our fingers touched, and i felt a sudden warm tingling run up my arm. it spread through my body, and there was nothing i could do to stop it. as it coursed through every vein, jumped across every synapse, settled every nerve, i closed my eyes. he stepped forward again, this time his hand enveloping mine. i opened my eyes and turned to look behind me at the edge. i could no longer see it. it had... disappeared. i turned back to the stranger; while i had my head turned, he had positioned himself just inches from me. he stood with my hand still in his and looked down at me. i wanted to run, i tried to run, but my legs did not work. i tried to scream and close my eyes. nothing. he leaned forward, put his mouth to my ear, and whispered, "i'm here."

suddenly the world fell away, and only we remained. he gently let my hands go and closed the last few inches between us. he put his arms around me, and this time he whispered, "we're here." i felt myself drift. i buried my face in his chest. around me, i could feel something changing. i didn't have to look to know that the world was rebuilding itself.

i love you. <3

coming to the end

i picked up my cap and gown today, along with tickets to commencement. it's a weird feeling - i felt it two and six years ago, too. i never feel ready for graduation. i know it's going to happen, but it feels... abrupt. it makes me nervous, too. but excited that i'm finally leaving school. i've been in school for eighteen years.

i have a headache, and i have cramps. being a girl can really suck, you know?

things are looking up.

done today

• Watched "Resident Evil: Apocalypse." Horrible. I did have a "Oh, that's Tim!" moment.
• Filed my intent to graduate. Yes, I intend to graduate.
• Finished part four of my research paper.
• Balanced my checkbook.
• Poked myself in the eye with a pen.
• Unsuccessfully shopped for car insurance again.
• Winced through painful cramps.
• Got free ice cream from Baskin-Robbins. (www.yahoo.com)

Now, off to class.

Happy nineteen months. <3

i love pig.

all i need is...