Minimal cramping and minimal bleeding, so I'm well on my way to... "recovery." The nurse called to follow up, and she sounded pleased with my report. All I need to do is call my OB and schedule an appointment in the next couple weeks to make sure everything is okay. :)

I really do feel good, I'm not just saying that. And now that I have only two days of relaxation left, I'm not really looking forward to going back in to work. It won't really be work, though... I have tests and reading planned for Friday, and then we have Monday off for MLK. That means I can watch all of the Globes! :D See, I told you I was feeling good.

Going in for the D&C this afternoon. Even though I'm prepared for it, I still have my fingers crossed--the spotting stopped on Saturday. As I've never experienced this before, I don't know if that's good or bad. It would be nice, and quite surprising, if it were good. :) I'm not getting my hopes up, for obvious reasons. I have grown to like the idea of being out of work most of this week. The worst part of this day is fasting. I am not allowed to eat or drink anything until after the procedure. I am starving and thirsty. Anyway, I'll have plenty of time to update later.

Update [5:00pm]: Everything went as well as possible. I was out as soon as they said I would feel tired; I don't remember anything after looking up at the ceiling in the OR. I woke up about 20 minutes later, but the nurse told me to sleep it off. I woke up around 2 and the nurse gave me something to drink. (Mind you, I had been fasting since midnight.) Other than some minor cramping, I felt fine. While she was discharging me, the nurse wagged her finger at me and said, "And no sex for two weeks." Haha, I don't know if it's even possible with the blood getting in the way. ;) Anyway, I look foward to week of relaxation with my Baby... and my brother's ugly little rat dog.

The news is not good. The second hCG beta test did not show the expected doubling, so my doctor scheduled me for a D&C on Monday afternoon. He plans to do one more ultrasound just in case, but he is pretty sure I've miscarried. I'm actually fine with all of this--the only part that bothers me is how much work I've missed this week, and will miss next week. I'll be out Monday for the procedure, possibly Tuesday if I'm not feeling up to going, and Wednesday and Thursday because my parents will be out of town and I have no one to watch the Baby. I am also a bit bummed that my plan to have a two-year difference in Babies 1 and 2 didn't quite work out, so now they will probably be three years apart. (Not ideal.) But what can ya do? Just let nature take its course.

The dangers of being an Asian baby:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/01/05/china.chop.stick.kid/index.html

The ultrasound went as well as I could have hoped, although I didn't walk away completely reassured. The gestational sac is clearly visible (as well as the dermoid on the left ovary), but the doctor couldn't see a heartbeat. Her best guess was I wasn't far enough along for it to be visible yet. My OB and the radiologist said I was seven weeks, but I know I'm at most five. I don't understand why the pregnancy is calculated from the LMP, since I couldn't have possibly gotten pregnant on that day... or the five subsequent days. Anyway, the radiologist didn't see any hemorrhaging or other abnormalities that could explain the spotting, so I suppose it's just a waiting game now. My second blood draw tomorrow should confirm whether or not this is going to be a full-term pregnancy or miscarriage.

Honestly, I'm not upset at the idea of miscarrying because I know I haven't done anything to cause it. Everyone I've had communication with seems worried on my behalf and tries to reassure me that these things happen sometimes and I shouldn't worry. Well, thank you, but I'm not worried. If I miscarry, I miscarry. Then we get back to trying again. I'm sure I'd feel differently had this happened much further along, at a point where I recognized the being inside as my child. Right now, it's a sac.

Update tomorrow.

My OB was able to squeeze me in this afternoon. She couldn't see or feel anything out of the ordinary (other than the blood, obviously). She talked me through all the reasons this could be happening, like "threatened spontaneous abortion." She said the words as if I should feel reassured somehow that it wasn't a miscarriage in progress. I am scheduled to get an ultrasound tomorrow morning, which means I'll have to miss most of the day at work tomorrow (one of many days this month, sigh). Depending on the results, I'll either talk to her via phone from the radiology office with an "all clear, let's wait it out," or I'll be in her office Wednesday for a D&C if things aren't very good. I have my fingers crossed. I'm hoping that this is just normal spotting--she did tell me that most women who experience this type of spotting at this stage of the pregnancy go on to carry full term.

The good thing is I don't feel any pain or nausea, likely signs this is something I shouldn't be concerned about. I broke the news to Mom today; she too did not seem overly worried. She said it's fairly normal to experience bleeding early. She has experienced a few more pregnancies than I have, so I'll take her word for it.

The test said I'm preggers, which I had believed for the last two weeks. However, I've been spotting for the last four days. Initially, I was worried as I didn't experience any spotting with the first baby; however, I chose (or rather, didn't have any choice but) not to call my doctor as the office was closed. The bleeding, while it has been very light and only noticeable when I use the bathroom, got a bit redder and heavier today. Still not even as much as the last day of a period, but nevertheless a cause for concern. I will definitely call the doctor tomorrow to schedule something as soon as possible. Most of what I've read suggests I have nothing to worry about, but still other sites say miscarriage could result. Knock on wood.

Merry fucking Christmas. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Some suggestions for the new year:
(1) If you are not funny, and you think you are, and people don't laugh at your jokes, stop trying to be funny. It's not funny. Really.
(2) Update your Facebook status at most once a day, please. More than one means you're not being a productive member of neither society nor your company. And you're cluttering my news feed with your inane chatter about absolutely nothing that I would care about.
(3) Do not call to berate me about your child's failing grade. It is not my responsibility to see that your child passes. It is my obligation to teach your child to hold himself accountable, take responsibility for his actions, and accept the consequences of his actions. Please consider your child a reflection of you, and remember that I am judging you.
(4) Can someone please do something about that fucking pothole on 7? I hit it every day! I'm going to lose a tire one of these days.
(5) Let's all agree that there comes a point in life when we all need to take stock of our lives and fucking grow up. You know who you are. Also, growing up, in some cases, means you refrain from having children; the thought of you spreading your seed makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I don't want to see mini-versions of you continuing your stupid, immature ways.

Okay, I think five is good. Start small.

Snow! And lots of it. It has been years since we had this much snow so early. Forecast predicts some snow for Christmas--a white Christmas! The snow causes a bit of anxiety in the Baby; she worries about the cars covered in snow. About three or four times, she ran to the window to watch the snow, and expressed her concerns about the cars in the parking lot, piled high with snow. Right now, the snow is still coming. It has not let up since it started last night. I would really like to get out of the house, but Husband suggests that is a bad idea.

Currently waiting for Auntie Flow, but hoping she doesn't come for a visit. :)

Yummy, quick, healthy chili!

1 tbsp minced garlic
2 tbsp olive oil
2 lbs. ground turkey
2 cubano peppers (or whatever you desire), chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
1 can red kidney beans (15 oz)
1 can tomato paste (8 oz)
1 can diced tomatoes (14.5 oz)
1 cup fat free, low sodium chicken broth
chili powder
ground cumin
paprika
ground cayenne
hot sauce

Sautee the onion in the olive oil, adding in turkey to brown. Stir in cubano peppers. Add in the rest of the ingredients (minus the spices). You'll have to work with adding in the spices a little at time to taste. I just tend to dump in handfuls because we like our food with some kick. Hold the hot sauce if you prefer it mild. Let simmer on low heat for about 20 minutes. Enjoy!

We are trying to pregnant, and it's been a strange ride so far. Two weeks after my expected period, I tested negative three times... and then I had my period. It was a bit saddening, as I was excited that I could be pregnant, so getting my period was a disappointment. I look forward to being pregnant again--despite all the morning sickness, the "growing" pains, and the other health issues. Fingers crossed!

I thought this article on the effect of our social networks on our behaviors was interesting. This article made me feel relieved that I'm not friends with certain people that I used to socialize with in high school. Obesity is contagious!

Well, you became a super duper fatty... and I didn't. ^_^

Okay, I admit--that was mean. But is it really? This is the same person who used to eat BACON and cans of WHIPPED CREAM all day while on Atkin's. "They don't have carbs." But they contain FAT, and lots of it! "Let's go to Burger King. I just won't eat the bun." That's probably the healthiest part! "I don't think these cookies have carbs." I think they do!

Well, the best to you.

I have a new addiction, and it's consuming my life.

When I'm doing it, I tend to ignore things around me. When I'm not doing it, I keep thinking about it.

It's... Farmville. Hehe. I am a Level 21 Rockstar Farmer with a 18x18 plantation. I own a barn, a cottage, and a tool shed. I have elephants, cows, ducks, chickens, pigs, sheep, and bunnies. I grew sweet potato while I could. I want to find more neighbors so I can get lots of gifts! (So if you're a Farmer, please add me. Let's be neighbors!)

FYI: Your status updates are annoying. No, really. Please stop.

Ugh.

I want to have another baby, but the way Baby has been behaving recently isn't really helping my cause. She is especially fussy during the night every once in a while, which means she is up for 2-3 hours crying and demanding I rock her to sleep. On top of that, her overall behavior is shit because my parents spoil her and let her get away with murder.

If Husband is only going to let me have two babies, then I want to have the second one soon. I'd rather do it while I still have the energy (and working back muscles). I'm going to be waking up at 4:30 again for the next ten months; as long as I'm in that routine, it would be no difficult adjustment when the baby comes. (If the baby comes.) His reasoning against--it's tiring, he doesn't want to get up in the night--is selfish. These are the sacrifices you make when you decide to be a parent. He seems to forget that aside from feeding the Baby while I pumped, or changing a few diapers, I did most of the baby care. Even now, I do almost everything for her. He'll argue that she doesn't want him to [feed, change, bathe] her; really, she just isn't used to it because he doesn't do it. I'm the one who spent the last eighteen months taking care of people all day; from 4:30 a.m. to 10:00 p.m., it was Baby, 50 teenagers, or Husband I had to tend to. I get tired too, you know, but having to do all those things is what it means to be a full-time working parent.

I don't want to wait another year or two years or whatever. It will be easier to get back into the caring for a newborn when it's still fairly fresh in the past, rather than trying to remember how things are supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do.

Sigh. Perhaps he feels I pushed him into having the first one, thereby ending his days of coming and going as he pleases and having to wipe only one ass.

Maybe I'm just frustrated with Baby's tantrums today and feeling angry...

'Mommy bloggers' vow to avoid ethical conflicts

Perhaps it is a bit righteous to believe no one should profit from blogging. I do take issue with women to use blogging to get free samples and corporate backing; it seems to conflict with the whole idea of being a mommy blogger. The purpose of being a mommy blogger would seem to be sharing ideas and thoughts about parenthood. I don't feel we should use that opportunity to court the big companies. Granted, I can see where it would be nice to spend a little less on things we need for our children, but selling out to the companies is low.

Hey, I would love a year of free diapers, but I'm not going to shout my praises of [insert brand name]'s superb diapers. (I don't even use brand diapers. In fact, I found my generic diapers from my favorite warehouse box store looked exactly like the brand diapers we used to buy. The only difference was the generic ones didn't have stupid Disney characters prancing around.) It's one thing to win the diapers in a contest, but it's another to 'ask' for free diapers by posting glowing reviews on your blog.

I'll just stick to writing on my ad-free, not-for-profit blogs.

Home, and happy to be! No more cat hair.

Birthday party tomorrow with the Baby to celebrate a cousin's fifth. Still getting used to the kiddie parties--and the weird kids that go with them.

Is it September yet??

For the second time in the last week, Facebook has suggested a friend: Who is this person, and why was she suggested? Well, other than the obvious similarity in names. What, because she's Korean, and I'm Korean, and we have the same name, we should be friends? I am offended.

Am in the process of purchasing a new laptop. Haven't actually initiated the process. While I have much desire for a new one, I lack the motivation to browse. Husband has been looking for me, but his options have not struck my fancy. I would use my work laptop, but I'd rather not leave evidence of my Facebook addiction.

With all this free time, I've been running through a list of places I'd like to visit. (Perhaps the gray, drizzly weather is contributing to my desire to be in warm, sunny, and sandy places.) In no particular order:

- U.S. Virgin Islands, The Bahamas, and other major islands (Grand Cayman, St. Kitts, St. Bart)
- Spain (particularly Barcelona, Madrid, and Costa del Sol)
- Turkey
- Ireland (a bit gray and drizzly there too, I bet...and not particularly warm or sandy)
- Egypt
- Greece
- Sydney and Melbourne, Australia
- Italy

The only part of traveling I dread is the packing and unpacking. If my luggage could magically appear at my destination, and then reappear at home upon return, I would enjoy traveling so much more. We'll be driving up to New York in a few weeks, and I hate the thought of packing. Inevitably, I leave something important behind, either at home or there.

Oh, blah. Let's just stay home and go to the pool. The tan is coming along...

My mind is cluttered. My heart is heavy. I feel lonely...

I need warm weather.

I am having a rough time lately. Maybe it's Time creeping up on me--I'm another year closer to thirty. Thirty already? I refuse to let thirty surprise me until we've had another wee one. (Note to husband: At least one more before thirty.) I'm all out of sorts. Things are just a little nutty in my head.

I'm waiting anxiously for warmer weather, hoping it will bring some cheer. I missed the cherry blossoms this year. It wasn't a feasible outing with FIL. This is the second year in a row I've missed them. I'll keep my fingers crossed for next year. When all the flowers start to bloom, I'd like to take Baby out for some pictures.

At what point is it okay for me to refuse to tolerate anyone's bullshit? Frustrating. A little more initiative, please.

I'm also looking forward to returning to work; it has been a fairly uneventful week off, although I can't really say I want to see my students so soon. I just want to do something productive.

We went to the zoo yesterday. Our second attempt was more successful than the first. (Let's not discuss the first attempt.) Baby saw alpacas, cows, and goats, identifying each one as a dog with her quiet little bark. She also meowed at the lion and tiger. Still a bit young to enjoy the zoo. She was more interested in watching the other babies than looking at the animals.

I missed lunch with Dawn and Susanna yesterday. I was actually hoping to see them over break, just so I could get some time to myself and do things I enjoy. I made the plans during our first zoo attempt, not knowing we'd have to try again. Monday's lunch will be filled with lots of catching up. Only a week but that's a lifetime when you have friends you actually like. :)

Happy birthday to me!

So I feel the need to reflect on choices I've made, people I've known, and how I've grown...

Last June, I had a chance to do some reflection while out with friends. Real friends. People who like you for who you are, love you for who you're not, and show you how to have fun. A recent conversation with another real friend allowed me to have some closure about some past hurts and realize I'm better for them.

Back in high school, then-friend--CS--mentioned to our group of friends once that she wanted to be the first of us to get married, have kids, etc. At the time, I thought nothing of it--who didn't want to be the first among friends to boast a husband, a child, a house?

I never gave it another thought until I found myself planning my wedding. The original date I chose happened to be CS's birthday. Not wanting to force her to choose her birthday or my wedding, I moved it forward one week. I also asked her to be in the wedding, thinking she would gladly agree, when I suddenly remembered that little thing she had said in high school. When she said no in a suspiciously circuitous fashion, I finally understood the meaning of our friendship. I had just been another member of the pack.

The wedding planning made me forget this realization. I sent her an invitation anyway. Being single, I believed she would arrive alone (with some other invited friends). Instead, she brought her college roommate, for whom I had expressed some disdain (poor life choices being the main reason). It was my day, so I left it pass. CS caught the bouquet that night. (If I had known how she really felt about me, I would have snatched it from her hands.)

Months passed, our anniversary approached. In that time, I had left her several messages for various occasions--Christmas, New Year's, Independence Day, her birthday--but there were no acknowledgements of receipt. Upon purchase of a new cell phone, I consciously skipped over her phone number as I entered the other ones into the new phone. I knew it was over.

Two weeks ago, my friend CT met with CS and several others to plan our reunion. CT informed me that CS was engaged (CT: "You didn't know?"). She also informed me that CS was bitter about my getting married before she did. Not only was I taken aback, but I felt angry. She had only pretended to be happy for me. Was I supposed to be happy for her? CT then said that CS was making damn sure that she was married by the time we had the reunion.

Petty much? I couldn't believe that she had really wanted to marry first. What a fucking childish wish. I'm happy to say I do not consider her a friend. It's amazing that some people refuse to grow up and become adults. I don't have time for people like that. I have a child; I don't need to be friends with one.

On a lighter note, I did immediately try to think of ways I could rub a ton of salt into her wounds. One idea was to show up pregnant and announce our second child. And hey, we've been married for three years! Have you seen my adorable baby? Can you believe how much weight I've lost? Remember how you got rejected from UVA? Ha!

But I'm not petty like that. :) I love my life. I love my new friends. And I love my true old friends. That's enough to make me better than her.

High school ten-year reunion is approaching, according to news posted on Facebook this weekend. I'm ambivalent about this event. Do I really want to revisit four years of my life that I didn't really care for the first time around? I have few friends from high school (and by few, I mean one with whom I am still in touch on a regular basis). I certainly don't feel obligated to attend, but it might be fun just to see how everyone fared after graduation. (Based on my keen observation, and with some help from Facebook, I know many have not accomplished much.)

Or, the occasion may serve as a time for reconciliations. I can think of a few people I've burned or been burned by, but holding out for such atonements may be futile.

Ultimately, my decision will hinge on my own availability (likely), location (definitely), and cost (absolutely). Leave it to our officers to let this event hang over their heads until the last possible minute.

Valentine's this year... a bust. :(

But Baby's birthday was fun. :)

And now I must return to work tomorrow... :(

But I have Thursday to look forward to! :)

And dinner with cousins on Saturday. :)

But I have lots of laundry to do this week. :(

And I have a headache. :(

:( wins.

Seems we can't get enough of Facebook, as much as we profess to hating it:

Facebook flashmob shuts down station

It's amusing, really.

British Transport Police also described it as "mainly a good humored event," adding "No arrests were made and no crimes were reported."

Not the way any US police would react to such a situation. We need to lighten up and have a sense of humor.

Two funny, yet horrifyingly true, articles about Facebook.

Why I'm Quitting Facebook

25. We Never Do Random Things. Until We Do.

(By the way, I think the '25 Random Things' craze is pretty annoying. It's about as welcome as a MySpace bulletin. That was why I quit MySpace... maybe I'm on my way to quitting Facebook too.)

Feb. 19 I will finally be an official citizen. Now comes the paperwork...

새해 복 많이 받으세요.

Happy lunar new year! ^_^

Update: ring found. Must have come off my finger when I was packing the diaper bag. Hooray!

Update: no appointment to take the oath yet. The USCIS automated system cannot give me any information about my application status. Further evidence of the government's inefficiency.

Update: my life is relatively boring. :)

I lost my class ring today. I am very sad.

In the movie "Barnyard," why does the bull have udders?

The below letter, dated 12/1/2008, was in our mailbox this morning:

After a complete review of your file and Application for Naturalization (Form N-400), this office has found additional documentation may be needed. Unless previously submitted, please bring the below requested documents to your naturalization interview.

Further proof of our government's inefficiency. My interview was December 9, and they couldn't mail the letter in a more timely manner to ensure I would receive it before my interview date? Naturally, I had all required documents on my person, but had I forgotten, the fault would have lain entirely on me. Me.

Anyway, I am home from work today because I have a case of the runs. Bad. Oof. At least it's given me time to clean the kitchen and do laundry.

I am officially a US citizen.

Well, at least on paper. I am waiting to find out when I take the oath.

And, if it wasn't clear already, the US government is inefficiently run. Or, at least, they hire rather incompetent people to fill fairly important roles. The woman (girl? she seemed younger than I was) who conducted my interview was not well-versed in immigration laws. It might help to be familiar with them if you wield that kind of power.

Anyway, welcome to America! ^_^

Thanksgiving was.

Now I am looking forward to winter break because... I will stop pumping! (I mean, I love my Baby and all, but pumping is stressful, time-consuming, and tedious.) I fear the weight will come right back, so I will have to be careful with what I eat now. My hunger should subside at that point since I'm not pumping. Yay.

Interview next week!

Another step closer to naturalization. Interview is scheduled for December 9. Yay for missing another day of work! This application process has gone by faster than anticipated--last check of the USCIS website, July 2007 applications were being processed. Hmm. Perhaps they need a better way of updating their website? Or I am just super awesome. Once it is official, Husband will be able to apply for clearance with (relative) ease.

My dad's scheduled for his fingerprints this week. Strange considering his application was incomplete (he forgot to include his pictures). Hopefully the fingerprinting office will accept the pictures, or at least inform him of how to proceed.

Gale Harold has been working on "Desperate Housewives." Not being particularly interested in the show, this information was news to me. (My lovely friend Carena shared this information with me.) I am still not inclined to watch the show, although I may, should I find some extra time, queue the episodes on torrent and fast forward to his scenes. I'm not sure how believable Gale is as a straight man. I much prefer him as ever-fascinating Brian Kinney. Apparently he was also on two episodes of Grey's Anatomy. Add to the queue?

Going to New York next week for Thanksgiving. Am not looking forward to the car ride with the Baby. It will be fun to see the family, although I will miss Thanksgiving here. As my cousin put it, who could pass up mashed potatoes and japchae? Mmm.

Sarah Palin believed Africa was a country, not a continent.

DO WE NEED ANY MORE REASONS??

I cannot believe that 46% of Americans felt she was more qualified than Joe Biden to be Vice President. Wake the fuck up! This is the woman that you would want leading our country in the event Joe McCain dies?

While we should be proud for electing Obama, we should be mortified for considering Palin.

Fucking shit.

It's scary how the simple act of joining the military can change your whole world view. I just saw a friend(?)'s status read, 'Socialism in America...scary.' What's scary to me is how quickly conservatives jump to such unfounded conclusions without knowing the facts. People need to realize that socialism is an economic policy. It is not a form of government. Can we do a little light reading on Wikipedia or something, please?

Getting back to my original point, our country's extreme conservatives scare me. To return to my previous post, we are a backwards country that has made itself believe we are 'free' to think, to act, to believe. Puh.

[So apparently some people are seriously considering relocation to Canada or Europe. That's not exactly going to solve any of the problems at hand. But Europe doesn't sound half bad.]

So Obama has won. I think they could have called the election at 9:30pm. Wasn't anyone else watching when John King, using his fancy political map, made all of the remaining states (minus the west coast) all red, and McCain still wouldn't have reached 270?

So what did the Republican party learn from this election? One, the people are unhappy with the current state of affairs. Two, the GOP needs to reach out to the populations that felt ignored by them. And three, make wiser choices in running mates. Sarah Palin was the downfall of McCain's campaign. (Has anyone started selling 'Palin in 2012' shirts yet?)

We proclaim to be the most forward-thinking, progressive nation in the world, yet it took this long for a black man to be elected to the highest office. (Even consider that Paterson is the first black governor of New York. New York, of all states.) The world has breathed a heavy sigh of relief. We have taken the first step in catching up to the rest of the Western world.

My new favorite site: My Mom is a Fob

My other new favorite site: My Dad is a Fob

Husband: "I don't see you in clothes that often."

I am the only woman in the world who complains about losing weight. I have lost about 40lbs. Baby was born. I realize the weight loss is a result of breastfeeding and working, so I worry about it coming back when I stop pumping. That means I have to be more conscientious of what I eat. Dammit. It has been nice to just eat when I'm hungry, which happens to be pretty much all the time. I should probably drink more liquids, as I've noticed a sharp decrease in the volume I pump.

In less exciting news, we have Showtime free for a year. I haven't yet decided if that is a good thing or not. It's been available since last night, but there was nothing good on, nor is there anything good tonight. I'm a network girl during the week. Tonight, I watch 'Pushing Daisies.' Who doesn't like pie?

I was reminded today that our anniversary is next Wednesday. What does a couple do for their second anniversary? I am not a gift giver; I have never really been very good at it. I'm also not into the traditional anniversary gifts. I would be content with just a quiet night out by ourselves... a date, you could say. We haven't had a real date in a long time. Where? Dunno. Will have to consider some options.

I am dreading the week ahead, as Baby and I will have to navigate our morning routine on our own. Husband is in New York to help his Dad. (He broke his leg.) I've done the Husband-out-of-town thing before, but now I've got Baby to care for by myself. This weekend was uneventful and rather easy, but I'm not sure what to expect tomorrow and after.

I bought a stroller today, to replace the one we currently have. (It's Victoria's; her parents let us borrow it. Now that they are having another one, they will need it back.) However, I am considering returning it, but not because I dislike it. See, the cashier handed me a coupon valid starting next Sunday for 20% of a single item. Today I had a coupon for 10% off, but who doesn't want to save a little more money? Yes, it will definitely be worth more than the gas to drive there.

Now I'm off to bed to get as much sleep as I can. Sigh.

So finally, after ten years--that's right, TEN--I am on my way to being naturalized. I don't have to classify myself as an immigrant anymore, hehe. I got my application in just ahead of the change in test format, so I will be tested with the 'old' questions, which are factual. (The 'new' questions require a deeper understanding of US history and government rather than an ability to recall information.)

The sheer length of time it took for me to complete and mail the application should indicate how high it sat on my priority list. (This is where Husband would groan and indicate that it should have been a very high priority; my naturalization would ease his clearance process.) It cost me $675 (application) plus $8 (photos) plus $18 (priority shipping). Ten years ago, it would have cost me $300 total... Oh.

I am scheduled for fingerprinting next Friday at 10am. I need to take the whole day off work because it doesn't make sense for me to go to work--I have a first period that ends at 9am--then drive to the police station (at least, that's where I think I need to go), and finally drive back to work. Who knows how long it will take. That means I will have a four-day weekend, with Monday off for Columbus Day.

I don't know why anyone would choose to vote for McCain.

Let me rephrase.

I don't know why anyone would choose to vote for McCain after he selected Palin. We really don't need another person in the Executive Branch who speaks faster than her brain processes information.

Do you imagine this is what the Founding Fathers had in mind?

Yesterday I did lunch and a movie with Susanna. It felt like an 'adult outing,' despite being mundane. Perhaps it was the company that made the difference. We had some delicious Thai--the food helped erased the memory of a previous horrible experience--and watched the new Batman--intense and dark but a tad weak at the end. Susanna and I discussed school, naturally, and I can see we (and Dawn) will be good buddies. The dynamic of the workroom at lunch will change, perhaps for the better (or raunchier), since another teacher has left. She put quite a damper on the topics of conversation; uberconservative religious types tend to do that.

Today I did some organizing and cleaning in Baby's room. I rearranged some furniture, put away some clothes, and vacuumed (to the ear-piercing screeches of a terrified Baby). I vacuumed the living room as well. I also got some groceries for dinner and the rest of the week. I was in a domestic mood.

Also, Kettle Bakes potato chips are superb. They don't look like the weird, amorphic baked Lays chips, and they certainly taste like super fatty potato chips.

I feel good about getting back into the kitchen. It seems I took an unplanned hiatus, and fell into a tendency to do quick, not-so-nutricious dinners, mostly because I felt tired and lazy. I still feel tired, but it is certainly a relief to be in there and concentrating on something other than baby stuff. (Yesterday we did have pizza, but it had been a while and I had a craving.) Tonight, I just sauteed some green and red bell peppers with onions, and put them under a simply seasoned chicken breast, topped with a roasted pineapple and habañero sauce (store bought, I won't lie). Simple, fast, and healthy.

Then I realized it looked strikingly similar to the chicken dish pictured on a flier for Chevy's that was lying on the opposite counter. Weird.

Am a bit bummed that HBO has not renewed 'Tell Me You Love Me' for another season. It wasn't nearly as provocative as 'Queer as Folk' or 'The L Word.' I am going to miss it. Except for the parts when the 60-something therapist and her hubby get naked and bouncy on the couch.

Naming a child is harder than I imagined. While I may like the sound of a million names, I had to keep in mind that I had to call my child by that name for the rest of her life (so willing, as long as she doesn't decide to change it legally). When we finally got serious about figuring out a name (two weeks before she came - heh), there was no clear consensus, no single name jumped out as the winner. We racked our brains, scoured baby name websites, and browsed popular names registered with the Social Security Administration. It was only the week before that we ran across Anneli on a page of Swedish names; still, it wasn't immediately decided, but it had a nice ring to it. Before making any final decisions, we Googled the name and checked Wikipedia to make sure there weren't any serial killers or other crazies named Anneli (or some variation of it).

Anyway, I got to thinking about the whole process after I read some iReports on CNN. I have no idea why some parents make such awkward or inappropriate choices with names.

• Richard Handler was an anthropology professor I had at UVA. On the first day of class, he walked in proudly with his golden retriever (he came to class every day) and announced, 'This is anthropology 101, and I am Dick Handler.' We all tried very hard to stifle our giggles. Dick Handler, on the other hand, seemed oblivious to the proclamation he had just made.
• A girl I knew in high school had a brother named Woody Dick.
• A girl I knew in high school was named Bbeun Yi Lee. In Korean, Lee Bbeun Yi (pronounced 'ee-ppuhn-ee') translates to 'pretty girl.' Pretty girl she was not.

I'm sure I've met more people with unfortunate names, but I can't think of them right now. Parents, please think long and hard about the names you choose. Please. But then again, I suppose people with unfortunate or funny names are easier to remember.

There are still good people left in the world.

We have a new washer and dryer coming this week. Our current machine--tiny, squeaky, just plain old--has run its course. I'm looking forward to having a shiny new washer and dryer. The washer is "high efficiency," which means I must part ways with the giant jug of Dreft; I used it to wash Baby's clothes (and I love the way it smells). Husband said, 'You'll get over it.' Sigh.

Also had to have ~$600 in repairs/maintenance completed on my car. Things are starting to wear down, probably because I have failed miserably to maintain it properly. (Sorry, I'm a girl, it happens.) Husband okayed the needed repairs; later he said, 'You need a new car.' Secretly, I'm pleased, but I'd like to hold off on an expensive purchase for a while longer. The car only has 83k miles, it will be fine for a few thousand more.

Blogger by way of Google now allows me to access information about my blogs. I am appalled.



[Click here to view full size. Use zoom tool to see what I mean.]

Appalled!

Am a bit stressed. It too shall pass.

As I entered my building, I noticed a package on top of the mailboxes. Not unusual since most deliveries that won't fit in the boxes are placed there. I would have glanced to check it wasn't ours and moved on, but... it was a paddle. A paddle covered in packing paper, criss-crossed with clear packing tape. Unmistakeably a paddle, as the paper and tape did little to disguise its shape. I didn't look closely enough to see the addressee.

Someone is either Greek... or into S&M.

On a recent episode of "Jon and Kate Plus 8," Kate spent an afternoon making a delicious-sounding snack called "Monkey Munch." Contrary to initial assumptions, it does not contain bananas or marshmallows as the name might lead one to believe. (Well, bananas seem obvious, but I don't know why I associate marshmallows with monkeys.) I did some searching and found that she gave a different name to a Chex recipe for "Muddy Buddies." I suppose she gave it a more fun name so the kids could remember easily. I'm excited to make it for myself, since it isn't really appropriate for Baby to eat. :) I'll consider sharing some with Husband.

By the way, we did watch WALL•E. Very cute.

How sad is it that I gave myself a gift on Facebook? It was a picture of WALL•E. Opens this weekend. I'm hoping Husband and I can catch it.

Of late, I have been obsessed with a certain working girl of note. (See right sidebar.) She's fascinating for no obvious reason. I downloaded and watched the UK serial based on the novel based on the blog. Loved it! The show premiered on Showtime last week (on or about), but I have yet to hear anything, positive or otherwise, about it. Since I only recently sought out her blog, I am doing a bit of fervent reading and scrolling as I catch up.

In other news of (un)import, I got a new phone today. Husband wanted a cheaper talk plan and fancier phones, which are rather fun and cute. (Mine's pink!) I busily typed in my contacts while purging those whom I have not called in the last twelve months or never plan to call again (as a result of Friday's outing).

In the rest of the country,

MINEOLA, Texas (AP) -- In the windowless front rooms of a former day care center in a tiny Texas community, children as young as 5 were fed powerful painkillers they knew as "silly pills" and forced to perform sex shows for a crowd of adults.

Only in Texas.

Frightened by news of seventeen teenage girls who allegedly made a pact to get pregnant and raise their children together. (Available from various news sources.) People in their town (Gloucester, MA) are quick to blame the media and entertainment industry for this.

Also a bit disheartening that the schools, heavily influenced by the town's religious beliefs, continue to refuse to provide condoms to students. I understand the conflict with their beliefs, but in light of recent events, do parents continue to believe their children are pure of sin? Sex education is probably non-existent, or at least only exists as a push for strict abstinence. Tsk.

Pregnancy is not glamorous. Neither is parenthood. Both involve tons of work and commitment, neither of which these girls know. Doubtful that they will be shamed for their actions. This country purports to be conservative in its religious and moral beliefs, but we seem to turn a blind eye, and oftentimes celebrate, unplanned pregnancies by unprepared young girls. (I hesitate to call them 'young women,' as they severely lack maturity, forethought, and experience.) In no way do I condemn single-motherhood. In fact, kudos to women who can balance baby and career without a man (or woman, in any case); their babies are planned, and the women are well-prepared. (Presumably.)

Don't get me wrong--I enjoyed my pregnancy. Well, I wouldn't have missed the nausea, the sore boobs, the achy pelvis.

But returning to my original point. Apparently the babies will be born soon. (Why didn't this story make headlines months ago?) I'd like to see what happens.

A day out with new friends brings new meaning to my life

I spent the day with Susanna and Dawn, which was a fun little mix of art, books, and strangers on the Metro. We browsed the National Museum of American Art, which I had never been to because it is rather removed from the other museums. We walked from the Mall up 7th Street and found the museum a hop away from the Verizon Center and across from the Spy Museum. We checked out the folk art exhibit, which was fascinating, and several of the pieces were especially intriguing, one even moving. (If you go, check out the cut-out mural of the lynch mob parade by Kara Walker--haunting.) We also checked out the modern American art upstairs. There was one work called "For SAAM," which was a tall cylindrical thing lit up with LEDs. Messages scrolled horizontally, vertically, and diagonally; we tried to stand and read them all but it got a bit tedious, although the piece itself was neat. We stumbled across one call Electronic Superhighway, which was a huge display of the United States done in neon lights and TVs. Within the neon outlines of the states, TVs large and small ran various video montages; careful observation revealed that the montages related to each state somehow (potatoes in Idaho, bright lights and casinos in Nevada, historic locations in Virginia, etc.).

Afterward, we went across to street and had lunch at Zola. The food was awesome. I had a chicken sandwich with potato-egg salad--yum!

On the way back to the Metro--we could have taken it from Gallery Place but that thought didn't seem to occur to any of us at the time--we stopped at a small bookstore that was having a liquidation sale. Susanna and Dawn bought a few; nothing struck my fancy. (We passed the Archives station as well. Dunno.) We made it back to the Mall, where it looked like some sort of folk festival was being set up. [Edit: Indeed, the Smithsonian is hosting its annual Folklife Festival on the Mall. Perhaps Husband and I can go. We haven't had a date in a while.]

I had fun hanging out, doing grown-up things. (I knew I had a point. I just had to get there.) Being with Susanna and Dawn made me realize that the people I used to associate with (but no longer find myself remotely missing) lacked curiosity and culture. They had little desire to experience new places and try unfamiliar things. I could never suggest a museum day trip--they would have scoffed. I know exactly what they would think--museums are boring, stuffy, yawn yawn yawn. I'm glad I've found two people who like the same things I do. (Not to dismiss Husband's interests. In fact, he enjoys doing quiet, grown-up things too.) With my former friends (associates? acquaintances? I'm realizing also that I was not that close to them), our activities were limited to rather silly and often mindless things; our lunches/dinners were flavorless and unadventuresome. Perhaps it was simply out of comfort that I invested so much time with them. Secretly I think it made me feel better about myself because I knew I was more cultured, more curious, more open to new things, almost as if I was doing them a favor by being with them. Let me add some intelligence to this conversation, dear. I feel like I can have meaningful conversations now, even if the topics tend to drift toward sex and all things sex. (Fun!)

I am looking forward to spending a couple more days with them. (Susanna is leaving for a trip to Serbia in July, and Dawn is getting married in July.) What to do with the rest of the summer?

Pregnancy and birth: the best diet in the world

Looking at pictures from just two years ago, I didn't realize just how fat I was. (Okay, I still am, but I had a baby. Yea, yea, I weigh less than before I got pregnant, but I'm still lardy.) I just looked through our engagement pictures and thought, "Geez, I'm glad I never posted those online." I was... round. I can't describe it any other way. I did end up losing some weight in the months leading up to the wedding. Now I bet I could fit into my wedding dress and then some. (What does a girl do with her wedding dress after the wedding anyway? But I digress...)

I only gained a net twenty pounds by the end of the pregnancy, and all of it in the last three months. I have definitely lost a lot of weight since the birth, which is obvious when my pants come off with a tug. I really thought I would have trouble losing the baby weight, but it's gone away on its own. My weight has remained relatively stable since then, despite my constant grazing. (Breastfeeding takes a lot out of you. I feel hungry often.) I'd still like to lose more weight, but it will be tough. For one thing, I have the summer off with nothing to do, which means I'm prone to watching TV or reading--not conducive to weight loss. For another, I don't feel as stressed or tired as I did while I was working, so I won't be burning off what I eat as quickly as I used to. On the other hand, with the nice weather this week, I have no excuse for not taking advantage of it and taking a stroll around the neighborhood with baby in tow. She loves being outside, so it will be good for both of us.

So here's the tentative plan: After her morning feeding, we take a walk around the block. It will still be temperate enough that she and I are comfortable.

a full life

Being home for the summer may seem like a godsend, but there are drawbacks.

1. My choice of friends with whom I can hang out is limited to my coworkers. All two of them. :) I love them dearly, don't get me wrong. They just happen to have the same work schedule, so it works out nicely. Besides, it will be nice to hang out with people who have figured out what they want in life and don't act like they're still in high school.

2. My daily life revolves around my baby. She is adorable, but her needs consume my life. Of course, this is what it means to be a mother. I love that new role. Putting aside my desires is the sacrifice I willingly make. But I sure do miss being able to get up and go.

3. I have a fast-growing mental list of Things That Need to be Done Around the House: replace windows, replace blinds, install curtains, replace washer and dryer, replace shower stall, rearrange baby's room, rearrange living room... Now to figure out WHEN...

4. I get the impression my husband feels (subconsciously?) that my being at home for the summer means I take care of all household chores. Not having to go to work means I have fifty less things to accomplish in a given day, but I'm still left with fifty things to do at home and not enough sanity to go around. Dinner, laundry, cooking, cleaning, groceries, bills, on top of everything for the baby. Yeesh.

5. There is nothing on TV.

***

I know it was a month ago, but Mother's Day was a bummer. Being my first, I had hoped it would be more... fulfilling? Other than getting a new camera (very cool), the day passed like any other. I took care of the baby, I did some laundry, I made dinner. Granted, I didn't do anything for my own mother, which was pretty lame on my part since I didn't do anything for her birthday a few days prior. I want to excuse my husband because it was his first Mother's Day without his mom, but does he get a pass on me? Well, it's done and gone. No point in working myself up about it anymore. I do enjoy the camera, though. Lots of pictures of the baby.

Father's Day is this Sunday. I got him a gift. I need to get something for my dad. I'm hoping he (husband) has thought about, or has already gotten, a gift for his dad.

my busy little life as a mom

i am currently blogging about our beautiful baby girl, anneli.

hello world!

and this is our little sesame seed at 19 weeks. she's a mighty big baby. i have to push her out in a few months. oy.

it's a girl!

she likes to kick.

we haven't considered names yet, but we've been calling her sesame seed. ;) it was preferable to panda. we'll take it more seriously in a few months.

real dolls hitting the big screen?

who hasn't seen the BBC documentary called "love me, love my doll"? it's a strange look into the lives of men who love Real Dolls. (it's fun to explore the website. you can even make your dream woman or man!)

and the, about three minutes ago, i saw this movie trailer featuring a Real Doll.

i know what i'll be doing when that movie is released. :)

remembered

today, my mom and i went to the fairfax county animal shelter to donate what was left of my dog's food and treats. the lady at the desk was so grateful because they were short on dog food and treats. it felt good to help out those poor dogs.

maybe somewhere up there, you're looking down...

it's only just beginning . . .

i thought i would love being pregnant--i've only ever seen happy pregnant women. just this week i've started to feel . . . strange. i don't feel hungry. well, maybe a loss of appetite is a better way to describe it. i can't tell if i'm hungry or nauseous. is this the morning sickness starting to kick in? i eat because i know it's time to eat, but it isn't usually satisfying. sometimes thinking about food turns me off to it.

i've also been extremely tired. getting up in the morning has gotten difficult. just this weekend, i've basically fallen asleep any time i haven't been actively doing something. my body feels heavy, like i'm constantly dragging myself around. i can't even imagine how heavy i'm going to feel in a few months. :X

of course, my mom has already become overprotective grandmother. she called on friday just to tell me to be careful with what i eat and do. i know she's just concerned and watchful, but it's hard to pretend i don't already know these things. like she said, all i need to do is say, "yes, mother," and let it pass. :)

we're having a baby!

we went to the ob/gyn yesterday to confirm. :) it was a strange experience, to say the least.

1. i had to give a urine sample. "everything you need is in the restroom," the nurse said. i expected to see those plastic cups with screw caps for urine, but all i saw were those opaque plastic dixie cups. i contemplated them for several seconds before deciding it was better than nothing. but, of course, i got more pee on my hand than in the cup.

2. the first thing the doc asked was, "do you like your mole?" huh? apparently he was referring to the one above my lip. "i have a fellowship in cosmetic surgery. i can take care of that." my ambivalence led him to ask my mom, who said, "i hate it." then he asked ryan, who admitted to liking it. "well, there's your answer," the doctor said.

3. "do you drink?" no. "do you smoke?" no. "do you smoke marijuana on the weekend but not inhale?" o_O

4. he asked us if we wanted to have some optional procedures done before and after the birth (e.g. amniocentesis), to all of which we said no. he also asked if we wanted to preserve the cord blood, which is an expensive decision. "i don't know why people do it," he added.

5. as he plays with my left nipple--"oh it looks fine, you should be able to breastfeed, no problem."

6. as his head disappears below my knees--"it looks pretty clean."

7. as the cervix comes into view--"oh, you're definitely pregnant. it's purplish."

8. "it's better to have a full bladder [for the sonogram]." thanks for telling me that AFTER i gave a urine sample.

he tried to do a sonogram, but, of course, there was nothing to see as i'm probably only 4 weeks along, which differs slightly from the nurse's opinion (6 weeks) and the doctor's (8 weeks). now, ryan and i know better than they do that i can't possibly be more than 4 weeks. come on, i know when we made the first attempt, and that was after the school year was over. i go back in four weeks for the next check-up, at which time (hopefully) i'll be able to see something on the sonogram. according to my calculations, i am due mid- to late march. yay!

several things of (minor) note

1. my DVDs came today and i danced along with shaun t.! it was hard because i have no rhythm. it also didn't help that my belly was jiggling.

2. i finished painting the dining room today! after letting the walls dry for several hours, i attempted to screw in the outlet covers, but i noticed that they didn't quite cover the rectangle i had taped. that just goes to show what a shitty job the previous owner did with painting, and adding strange a light switch just inches off the floor. (it doesn't do anything.) tonight we'll go to home depot and pick up some better outlet covers.

3. i received one of those annoying "hang up" calls--you know, when you answer and the person immediately hangs up. just out of curiosity, i googled the number to see where it came from, only to find a website where hundreds of people logged complaints about this same number! i added my own complaint (a mild one, considering i had only received one call from them). apparently, it is some company that conducts surveys about the radio (?). it's a cincinnati, ohio, number. most of the time, the company seems to hang up when you answer. the company also calls repeatedly whether or not you completed the survey. the company gives you the option of removing yourself from their phone list if you call them back, but it doesn't seem to actually remove you. the company also claims they are exempt from the FCC's "do no call" regulation because they are not selling or soliciting anything. i'll see what happens. will they call again?

4. i am excited for tomorrow. :)

do you smell paint?

well, since i've been painting the dining room, i smell paint all day long--no matter where i am. i should probably wear a mask to protect myself from the fumes. i keep my face far enough away that i'm not nosed against the wall. the color looks good in the light. it's "regal red". i worked on finishing the third wall, and started on a second coat on the walls i finished earlier this week. hopefully we can finish up the dining room tomorrow and move the table and chairs back.

i'm also BURSTING at the seams with excitement. :D i want to tell the world about it, but not just yet. i am seeing the doctor on tuesday, so we'll know for sure then. (hint, hint.) only a select few know the news, including my mother, who has suddenly started to care about my well-being. i pointed that out to her, to which she responded, "i always care about my daughter, but more now." thanks, mom. :|

i start a week-long summer "assignment" for the county, updating the high school english blackboard site. i'm not sure what this job entails, and i won't find out until tuesday. we have orientation that morning. my doctor's appointment is that afternoon, so i'll be cutting out a little early, or so i assume, since i don't know how long the hours are. it shouldn't be stressful, and i'll be able to contribute to something productive and useful to the entire county. :)

and i'm still waiting on my DVDs to arrive. hurry up already, i want to start dancing.

having the summer off isn't as great as you think

i thought i'd enjoy two-and-a-half months of nothing. how wrong was i? as my husband suggested, "you need to find a hobby." it's a fantastic idea except for my lack of interest in just about everything. :P i've thought about taking up a hobby since my first day of vacation, but nothing comes to mind--a bit pathetic, really.

i've considered taking a class at NOVA or through the county's rec centers this summer, but what to take? photography sounds fun, although i can already imagine the constant yabbering i'd get from my mother; she took photography for a few years, so, of course, she's an expert. it looks interesting. i had students take photography at school this past year, and they really enjoyed it. they took some beautiful photographs, many of them unintentionally intriguing. i think it's worth checking out.

one thing i am definitely going to do (again) is work out and lose weight. my original plan had been to register at sport & health because i get a nice discount for working for the county. then i realized we have free access to a gym at the HR building. but going there involves driving over to falls church. i figured out a temporary (or maybe permanent) solution by watching tv. i saw the infomercial for "hiphop abs" again and couldn't resist; i ordered the DVDs, which should be here next week. i can dance like an idiot in the privacy of my own home and lose weight all at the same time! i will also take up running again, as soon as i can. it would be nice if i had a running partner, but my husband wants nothing to do with my running. he absolutely refuses. he's no fun.

i do have books i want to read this summer. i should get on that.

i miss having a job

at least i knew what i'd be doing for most of the day. on the agenda today is shopping. i haven't been shopping for myself in a long time. . . several weeks? i want to check out steve & barry's. i definitely need to get a black dress too. i need to be prepared.

i think tomorrow i'll register at the gym across the street. i might as well--i'd like to lose more weight, after i lose the pounds i gained since the wedding. plus, it would give me something to do for two hours each day. (wow, that's ambitious.) perhaps if i set lower expectations, like an hour three times a day, then i'd feel better about myself for going more often.

we're driving up to new york this weekend to see ryan's parents. i believe our current plan is to stay a week; whether or not we stay longer will depend on how karen feels. i'd like to be able to help around the house so ed doesn't feel so burdened. erika will be there too, but she's leaving the next weekend for a girls' week at a lake nearby. she invited me, but that will depend entirely on how the week goes.

anyway, off to go shopping!

ben who?

affleck.

that's right--he was the guest speaker at graduation today. there had been rumors for several months. "ben affleck is coming." "ben affleck is really coming." "is ben affleck even going to show?" "i like matt damon better."

several women in the department have been cooing and oohing about ben affleck, their biggest question being, "will he eat lunch with us?" well, it turns out, yes.

i had finished eating lunch and was chatting with some colleagues when i noticed a man in a suit walk into the reception room. i thought, "he's overdressed for this," and went back to discussing teachers who worked apparently worked in our school but we had never seen until today. suddenly people start shuffling toward the man, cameras come out. then i realized who he was. ben affleck.

you know, he isn't as tall as he looks on tv. i'd peg him at possibly six feet tall? i always imagined he was taller, but perhaps he's only relatively tall when he stands next to matt damon. he also wasn't as attractive as i expected. in fact, he looked pretty average. granted, he's more attractive than the average man in virginia, but still average.

the seniors were able to book ben affleck because he has a relationship (friendship) with one of our physically disabled students, joe. ben met joe years ago while filming "Forces of Nature" at Dulles Airport, and they've been friends since (with some help from the Make-a-Wish Foundation).

his speech wasn't awe-inspiring, but it was better than i expected. (obviously, i had very low expectations of his man.) he actually has a sense of humor, even inserting self-deprecating remarks about "Gigli" ("Joe liked the script for 'Daredevil' better than 'Gigli,' but he would never admit to it.") and "Forces of Nature." ben muttered occasionally, but overall, his speech was good. he joked about people who used famous people's quotes, then added that he apparently liked hypocrisy since he would be quoting someone famous too.

susanna was absolutely star-struck. she tried her best to contain her excitement and stay composed. :)

i still don't think he's a good actor, but he does good things for good kids. i'll give him a few points for that.

and thank you, ben, for making what was already a great day into the most memorable days of these students' lives.

growing pains

(A few days after she came home.)

On Wednesday, May 2, at 4:00pm, our beloved May passed. She would have been eleven this month. We had to put her down to end days of pain she had endured due to chronic bronchitis and cancer.

We were all pretty stressed out this week. She got sick suddenly, so we weren't prepared. If she had been old and in pain, we could have prepared and expected her death. It took me three days to come to terms with her situation and be okay with letting her go. How do you let go of a dog you've raised for eleven years? I didn't realize how much a part of my life she was until I received that phone call saying she was dying.


(Probably 2 or 3 years old.)

Today, I feel fine, but I'm still depressed. Just thinking about that empty doghouse and food bowl makes my chest tighten.

In her last days, she had such a hard time breathing that she didn't have enough energy to do much else. As hard as it was to watch that first needle, I know she is living peacefully somewhere else. No leashes. No collars. Plenty of squirrels to chase.

I love you, May.


(On Monday, at the vet's office.)

tragedy begets ignorance

Let me begin by saying I am horrified by this week's events. I grieve along with the nation.

I have tried to ignore many of the recent casual remarks about Cho Seung-Hui and South Koreans in general, but the baseless and ignorant comments are irritating.

Today, a professor at Virginia Tech, hypothesized that one of Cho's images from his "manifesto" might have been inspired by the movie "Oldboy." I resent this pathetic attempt at explaining Cho's actions. First of all, "Oldboy" is a critically acclaimed movie by a respected Korean director. Second, what the fuck was his reasoning behind this declaration? Apparently, anyone who holds a hammer above their heads is demonstrating a desire to dispatch a dozen men, and there's just no other explanation for it. Already, more enlightened and rational people have denounced this professor's theory as ridiculous. Seriously, what the hell? It's probable he found inspiration in movies, and even in the events at Columbine, but don't make stupid connections.

I bet this professor made that stupid connection because it was the only Korean movie he could think of. His rationale? "He's Korean, so he must have gotten his idea from a Korean movie. He must have seen it; he's Korean."

Ugh. You people disgust me.

korea is . . .

"spa-kur-ing," according to this new tv commercial. anyone else seen it? >.<

seriously, who was the brain behind this one? that the guy says "sparkling" in the thickest korean accent only makes the commercial worse. apparently, all korean people do is dance at clubs with bad lighting, wear clothes from the 1600s, and wear red at soccer games.

there is only one word to describe that.

spakuring.

another year

well, it was my birthday a few days ago . . . i was at the in-laws for a few days. we had cake and i got a singing card. it would have been nice if i could have been here for my birthday; i know my parents would have liked it.

and of course, the good friends remembered. man, i need new friends . . .

i had to think about how old i would be, making me realize i'm getting old. seriously. 26? how often do you have to think about how old you are at 26? now i'm officially in my late 20s. i can look forward to 30. (haha.)

our wedding album is finally "in the works." the photog sent me a preview of the first 5 pages, and they look good. hopefully he can get them done before the end of the month. it would be a nice birthday present to give my mom.

this isn't much of a spring break . . . i feel busy.

i miss the inspiration . . .

perhaps it's illogical to miss depression . . . but who can deny its power to inspire? but i do enjoy being happy. :) we watched 2.2 of romeo and juliet (luhrmann) - i had forgotten how flushed i get watching that scene. hopelessly romantic? absolutely.

utterly random . . .

happy lunar new year!

technically, it is the year of the pig. but...

it should be the year of the panda. ^_^

happy valentine's day!

we don't have big plans for tonight--just dinner at home together. :) that isn't any different from our normal routine, but just knowing it's our first valentine's as a married couple makes it special. i thought about other things we could do, but i'd rather sit around in sweats with my unkempt hair eating a homemade dinner with my husband. :D we've conquered four months with just a handful of tiffs--what better to mark the occasion than to enjoy one another in the simplest of evenings.

today isn't about celebrating couples; it's about celebrating life. to all my unattached friends--do something for yourselves today, with the utmost sense of indulgence and satisfaction. embrace yourselves, love yourselves, and above all, seek happiness within.

valentine's day shouldn't be the one day of the year you tell your s.o. "i love you." say it every day. every night. in the car. at the supermarket. on the phone. by email. at the movies. in bed. all the time.

may everyone's snow day be filled with love. :)

carrrrrrrrne asada

you have to say it sexy.
carrrrrrrrrrrrne asada.

lmfao

my life is boring

it's calming, really. i like being relaxed. it gives me time to do... lots of nothing. ideally, i'd take advantage of my time--i've got a stack of books on the dining table which i want to read. i could be planning my next units. i could obsessively clean the house, but i'm not depressed enough to do that. :)

we've got three months under our belts, and we're doing well. and there's nothing sweeter than that...

the death of an inventor

"inventor," perhaps? well, apparently the man who "invented" Cup Noodle (the Cup Noodle) has passed away. unfortunately, the Cup Noodle didn't go with him.

am i the only asian person in the world who hates Cup Noodle? it makes me gag more than...

anyway, it makes me gag. i prefer real instant noodles (oxymoron?) i can buy only in asian markets. i don't eat them much, considering i have no immediate wish to suffer a heart attack, but they taste better. drop in an egg and mmmm.

all across america, college students quietly mourn the death of their savior, they make a note of it in their instant messaging profiles/myspace blogs/live journals, they fly their boxers at half staff. (do you find that as funny as i do?)

why be coy?

being coy may work if you are a living, breathing female, but it doesn't work if you are a website advertising a service or product.

it's become a pet peeve. for instance, gym websites are notorious for those "come in and see us for a quote" lures. most of the time, the trip there isn't worth your time because they quote some exorbitant fees. the least they could do is give the rate for the most basic membership.

even the sunday ads are now using those same coy lures to get people in the stores. i haven't been able to figure out why prices for cases of soda have gone up so much in recent years. i remember when they were regularly $2; today on sale you're lucky to find $2 deals. but then the stores decide to be coy--"Check out our low price!" it says. yea well, check out my middle finger!

was this a pointless rant?
yes.
want to hear more? email me!

(groan)

is it christmas yet?

the question i'm really asking is, "is it christmas already?" cheese and rice.

we've given ourself this week to figure out who (to buy gifts for) and what (to get them), and then use saturday and sunday for shopping. we're cutting it pretty close but... i am definitely not a holiday person.

or perhaps, i lack spirit.

in other utterly important news, i am reading what is the what by david eggers. i was turned on to eggers by mike. i never got around to finishing you shall know our velocity, but i do mean to. it's... somewhere. it was actually quite good (the part i managed to read), and i will finish it. eventually. but for now, i need to sate my obsession with the lost boys of sudan. i saw "god grew tired of us" a few weeks ago with ryan. ever since, i have been doing my darnedest to get out the word about the movie. many of my kids are interested in seeing it. i look forward to incorporating it into the year with 10th graders.

anyway, what is the what should be on your reading list.

off i go to flit around in the living room to the song for our first dance.

if i just lay, if i just lay here,
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

delayed chaos

my family has always been... crazy. crazy but fun. this year, i didn't spend thanksgiving with them here. ryan and i drove up to new york to spend the holiday with his parents. i knew what i was getting into -- we had a quiet thanksgiving. it was a stark contrast to the talking, laughing, joking, dancing, singing, playing my family does at the holidays.

one of my family's traditions at thanksgiving is to play cards. we usually play 31, which we learned a few years back and have been obsessed with playing. the two with the lowest scores have to buy ice cream for our new year's party. then, we play again that day and plan for next thanksgiving. i missed the card playing and the ice cream. undoubtedly, i missed out on victoria dancing and/or singing, which never ceases to entertain anyone!

it wasn't until last thursday, as i sat on the couch and watched the macy's thanksgiving parade, that i was finally thankful for a big family.

in spite of our differences.

very married

it's been a hectic month of adjusting to each other's constant presence. :) i love being married. i can be crazy and domestic. i've been doing lots of laundry, cooking, cleaning, organizing, shopping.

we have yet to meet with the photog about designing our album and getting our pictures from him. the pictures were great because we had so much fun at the reception. and i didn't even have to get drunk! :P

time to relax some...

tomorrow i get married

it's been a long week--a lot of frustrations, but i'm glad that part of it is over.

my dad apologized for the things he said... i can leave with peace of mind.

tomorrow, i add "wife" to my list of titles.

are we there yet?

it's been a long week, but i have another long week ahead. this being the last week before the wedding, i am starting to feel the pressure of orchestrating this event. we have pretty much everything set, except the centerpieces. there's also the matter of place cards and the program, which i spent twelve hours creating today. whew.

ryan's out with ken tonight, having his last hurrah. i've been trying not to think about it. :) he hasn't really had some time to do guy things in a long time, especially since i take up this weekends. he mentioned something about going to the shooting range, which sounds pretty cool. ken hadn't made any plans to go to a strip club, but ryan and i both know that they will probably end up at one because you just end up places when ken is driving.

with only eight days left, i am getting a bit nervous. i know things will be great, especially since so many of my friends will be there. (this is where carena would interject with something about how ms. so-and-so should not have been invited because she can be a pretty shit friend. i agree, but whatever--gifts!) i'm determined to have fun. :)

i can't wait to lay down next to ryan again and fall asleep...

never ever...

...have i had as much fun as i did last night with carena, jules, mary, and yvonne!! ^_^ it should be illegal. alcohol (some), nudity (partial), groping (lots)... but, best of all, laughter (all night long)!

thank you, girls! i didn't think i'd enjoy my bachelorette party so much. :*)

pics up later.

why can't everyone be reliable?

for maybe the 6th time, the DJ for my wedding has cancelled our appointment. at this point, he is starting to look like a jackass because he comes up with one excuse or another not to meet. now, you have to understand, i don't have lots of time to drive all the way out to leesburg to meet him. (he's driving there from martinsburg, wv.) at least he has stopped putting "lol" in his emails. that was pretty juvenile.

and in other news...

-__- i don't know if it's the change in weather and season, or what... but i've been feeling mighty blue recently... tears and all.

i need a vacation.

four-hour erections?

LOL have you seen the VW commercial with the two middle-aged guys talking about four-hour erections right before they crash?

silly.

you read my mind

yea, me too.

credit card fraud isn't scary until you're the one who just lost money

i checked my account today to see how much money i had. i noticed there was almost $800 less than i had just a few days ago. i put gas in my car and bought tomato sauce at giant--not worth $800.

i felt like i had been punched in the face. i called my bank to cancel my card, and they were nice enough to refund the money. apparently, someone had tried to register a half dozen domain names with godaddy.com. i call them, and they said someone in the billing department had already flagged the account as suspicious. they blocked the account and said someone from billing would get back to me with the specifics.

:|

now i have no card until the end of next week.

i have a grand total of... wait for it... wait for it...

3 cents in my wallet.

wonderful.

so now i hate the anti-christians

you know, it's one thing to leave a comment on someone's blog--short, sweet, get your point across.

but i don't know why you would post some angry diatribe posing as a comment, when in fact you actually agree with what i'm saying. why would you preface it with (i paraphrase), "you are dumb. this is the truth, so all you dumb people won't be so dumb anymore."

get off your high horse and smell the roses. we all know that money, religion, and politics are intertwined. all corrupt, all shady, all out to ruin the world. blah blah fucking blah.

god called.

he said, "shove it up your ass, you dumbfuck."

p.s. copying and pasting directly from your own blog entry is pathetic.

p.p.s. having the same "entry" on multiple websites is also pathetic.

p.p.p.s. you should eat ice cream every now and then. it tends to calm you down.

why don't most people get that their "christianity" is a scam?

it has always bothered me that supposed "christians" are the most unscrupled, self-promoting people in the world. "Does God want you to be rich?" are you serious? i don't consider myself to be christian, and i've never studied the bible extensively, but even i know that nowhere in the bible does it say God wants his children to reap the spoils of the world.

it bothers me that these so-called christians claim that God did not want them to live in poverty or to be ugly. wtf? maybe He never wished for you to be that way, but it certainly is one way to understand your faith. remember the story of Job? he was tested over and over again, but he remained faithful. before his trials, he was "rich": he had a family, he had land, he was happy. that was his prosperity.

fuck you, joel osteen. why do people have to give you their money to feel like good christians? wouldn't they be better christians by giving their money to a more deserving cause, like UNICEF? how about disaster relief? where were you when katrina hit? all cozy and snuggled up on your bear skin rug in front of a roaring fireplace as adoring young females fed your grapes in your mansion? -__-

if you are part of this prosperity movement, you are stupid. there's just nothing else to call you. you don't want to feel bad about being rich and what you did to get there, so you reinterpret the bible to your satisfaction.

God called.

He said, "Fuck you and your money."

heaven's waiting for those that sacrifice and give more of themselves than they take.

that is all.

why korean girls are whores

Sex expo lingerie models barred from South Korea

SEOUL (Reuters) - A South Korean sex trade show promised foreign women in steamy underwear, striptease acts and sex seminars but had to cancel the performances after losing its lingerie models to immigration laws, organizers said on Thursday.

The 2006 Seoul Sex Education Expo, dubbed Sexpo, opened on Thursday, however, with plenty of sex toys, lotions and audiovisual material.

"Immigration officials warned us if the models performed without having obtained the appropriate visa, they could be subject to deportation," a Sexpo official said.

An immigration official said models from places such as Australia were planning to enter the country on tourist visas, but they needed performance visas.

The event, which runs through Sunday, had been heavily advertised.

Several male visitors were angry about seeing so many inflatable plastic women on display and no real ones.

"I came here for a show and all I have is this leaflet about sex toys. What's going on here?" said one man in his mid-60s who asked not to be identified.

Sexpo has been held in other parts of Asia but civic groups in South Korea had pressed authorities to close the show on the grounds that it was offensive.

South Korea, however, already has a large and vibrant sex industry.

© Reuters 2006. All Rights Reserved.

today i enjoyed a tax-free weekend in maryland

the absolute joy of tax-free shopping! i could have gone crazy and bought everything i wanted, but i have things like small paychecks, bills, and a wedding in the way. i still did a lot of shopping. "teacher clothes." walking into ann taylor, ryan said, "oh, yea... that's teacher clothes." :P i got a bunch of nice tops, two pants, and a really cute jacket. ryan got a bunch of shirts and a jacket as well. we did very well. :) ah... i feel good.

together we mark another year

happy third anniversary, sweetie. :)