My mind is cluttered. My heart is heavy. I feel lonely...

I need warm weather.

I am having a rough time lately. Maybe it's Time creeping up on me--I'm another year closer to thirty. Thirty already? I refuse to let thirty surprise me until we've had another wee one. (Note to husband: At least one more before thirty.) I'm all out of sorts. Things are just a little nutty in my head.

I'm waiting anxiously for warmer weather, hoping it will bring some cheer. I missed the cherry blossoms this year. It wasn't a feasible outing with FIL. This is the second year in a row I've missed them. I'll keep my fingers crossed for next year. When all the flowers start to bloom, I'd like to take Baby out for some pictures.

At what point is it okay for me to refuse to tolerate anyone's bullshit? Frustrating. A little more initiative, please.

I'm also looking forward to returning to work; it has been a fairly uneventful week off, although I can't really say I want to see my students so soon. I just want to do something productive.

We went to the zoo yesterday. Our second attempt was more successful than the first. (Let's not discuss the first attempt.) Baby saw alpacas, cows, and goats, identifying each one as a dog with her quiet little bark. She also meowed at the lion and tiger. Still a bit young to enjoy the zoo. She was more interested in watching the other babies than looking at the animals.

I missed lunch with Dawn and Susanna yesterday. I was actually hoping to see them over break, just so I could get some time to myself and do things I enjoy. I made the plans during our first zoo attempt, not knowing we'd have to try again. Monday's lunch will be filled with lots of catching up. Only a week but that's a lifetime when you have friends you actually like. :)

Happy birthday to me!

So I feel the need to reflect on choices I've made, people I've known, and how I've grown...

Last June, I had a chance to do some reflection while out with friends. Real friends. People who like you for who you are, love you for who you're not, and show you how to have fun. A recent conversation with another real friend allowed me to have some closure about some past hurts and realize I'm better for them.

Back in high school, then-friend--CS--mentioned to our group of friends once that she wanted to be the first of us to get married, have kids, etc. At the time, I thought nothing of it--who didn't want to be the first among friends to boast a husband, a child, a house?

I never gave it another thought until I found myself planning my wedding. The original date I chose happened to be CS's birthday. Not wanting to force her to choose her birthday or my wedding, I moved it forward one week. I also asked her to be in the wedding, thinking she would gladly agree, when I suddenly remembered that little thing she had said in high school. When she said no in a suspiciously circuitous fashion, I finally understood the meaning of our friendship. I had just been another member of the pack.

The wedding planning made me forget this realization. I sent her an invitation anyway. Being single, I believed she would arrive alone (with some other invited friends). Instead, she brought her college roommate, for whom I had expressed some disdain (poor life choices being the main reason). It was my day, so I left it pass. CS caught the bouquet that night. (If I had known how she really felt about me, I would have snatched it from her hands.)

Months passed, our anniversary approached. In that time, I had left her several messages for various occasions--Christmas, New Year's, Independence Day, her birthday--but there were no acknowledgements of receipt. Upon purchase of a new cell phone, I consciously skipped over her phone number as I entered the other ones into the new phone. I knew it was over.

Two weeks ago, my friend CT met with CS and several others to plan our reunion. CT informed me that CS was engaged (CT: "You didn't know?"). She also informed me that CS was bitter about my getting married before she did. Not only was I taken aback, but I felt angry. She had only pretended to be happy for me. Was I supposed to be happy for her? CT then said that CS was making damn sure that she was married by the time we had the reunion.

Petty much? I couldn't believe that she had really wanted to marry first. What a fucking childish wish. I'm happy to say I do not consider her a friend. It's amazing that some people refuse to grow up and become adults. I don't have time for people like that. I have a child; I don't need to be friends with one.

On a lighter note, I did immediately try to think of ways I could rub a ton of salt into her wounds. One idea was to show up pregnant and announce our second child. And hey, we've been married for three years! Have you seen my adorable baby? Can you believe how much weight I've lost? Remember how you got rejected from UVA? Ha!

But I'm not petty like that. :) I love my life. I love my new friends. And I love my true old friends. That's enough to make me better than her.

High school ten-year reunion is approaching, according to news posted on Facebook this weekend. I'm ambivalent about this event. Do I really want to revisit four years of my life that I didn't really care for the first time around? I have few friends from high school (and by few, I mean one with whom I am still in touch on a regular basis). I certainly don't feel obligated to attend, but it might be fun just to see how everyone fared after graduation. (Based on my keen observation, and with some help from Facebook, I know many have not accomplished much.)

Or, the occasion may serve as a time for reconciliations. I can think of a few people I've burned or been burned by, but holding out for such atonements may be futile.

Ultimately, my decision will hinge on my own availability (likely), location (definitely), and cost (absolutely). Leave it to our officers to let this event hang over their heads until the last possible minute.

Valentine's this year... a bust. :(

But Baby's birthday was fun. :)

And now I must return to work tomorrow... :(

But I have Thursday to look forward to! :)

And dinner with cousins on Saturday. :)

But I have lots of laundry to do this week. :(

And I have a headache. :(

:( wins.

Seems we can't get enough of Facebook, as much as we profess to hating it:

Facebook flashmob shuts down station

It's amusing, really.

British Transport Police also described it as "mainly a good humored event," adding "No arrests were made and no crimes were reported."

Not the way any US police would react to such a situation. We need to lighten up and have a sense of humor.

Two funny, yet horrifyingly true, articles about Facebook.

Why I'm Quitting Facebook

25. We Never Do Random Things. Until We Do.

(By the way, I think the '25 Random Things' craze is pretty annoying. It's about as welcome as a MySpace bulletin. That was why I quit MySpace... maybe I'm on my way to quitting Facebook too.)

Feb. 19 I will finally be an official citizen. Now comes the paperwork...

새해 복 많이 받으세요.

Happy lunar new year! ^_^

Update: ring found. Must have come off my finger when I was packing the diaper bag. Hooray!

Update: no appointment to take the oath yet. The USCIS automated system cannot give me any information about my application status. Further evidence of the government's inefficiency.

Update: my life is relatively boring. :)

I lost my class ring today. I am very sad.

In the movie "Barnyard," why does the bull have udders?

The below letter, dated 12/1/2008, was in our mailbox this morning:

After a complete review of your file and Application for Naturalization (Form N-400), this office has found additional documentation may be needed. Unless previously submitted, please bring the below requested documents to your naturalization interview.

Further proof of our government's inefficiency. My interview was December 9, and they couldn't mail the letter in a more timely manner to ensure I would receive it before my interview date? Naturally, I had all required documents on my person, but had I forgotten, the fault would have lain entirely on me. Me.

Anyway, I am home from work today because I have a case of the runs. Bad. Oof. At least it's given me time to clean the kitchen and do laundry.

I am officially a US citizen.

Well, at least on paper. I am waiting to find out when I take the oath.

And, if it wasn't clear already, the US government is inefficiently run. Or, at least, they hire rather incompetent people to fill fairly important roles. The woman (girl? she seemed younger than I was) who conducted my interview was not well-versed in immigration laws. It might help to be familiar with them if you wield that kind of power.

Anyway, welcome to America! ^_^

Thanksgiving was.

Now I am looking forward to winter break because... I will stop pumping! (I mean, I love my Baby and all, but pumping is stressful, time-consuming, and tedious.) I fear the weight will come right back, so I will have to be careful with what I eat now. My hunger should subside at that point since I'm not pumping. Yay.

Interview next week!

Another step closer to naturalization. Interview is scheduled for December 9. Yay for missing another day of work! This application process has gone by faster than anticipated--last check of the USCIS website, July 2007 applications were being processed. Hmm. Perhaps they need a better way of updating their website? Or I am just super awesome. Once it is official, Husband will be able to apply for clearance with (relative) ease.

My dad's scheduled for his fingerprints this week. Strange considering his application was incomplete (he forgot to include his pictures). Hopefully the fingerprinting office will accept the pictures, or at least inform him of how to proceed.

Gale Harold has been working on "Desperate Housewives." Not being particularly interested in the show, this information was news to me. (My lovely friend Carena shared this information with me.) I am still not inclined to watch the show, although I may, should I find some extra time, queue the episodes on torrent and fast forward to his scenes. I'm not sure how believable Gale is as a straight man. I much prefer him as ever-fascinating Brian Kinney. Apparently he was also on two episodes of Grey's Anatomy. Add to the queue?

Going to New York next week for Thanksgiving. Am not looking forward to the car ride with the Baby. It will be fun to see the family, although I will miss Thanksgiving here. As my cousin put it, who could pass up mashed potatoes and japchae? Mmm.

Sarah Palin believed Africa was a country, not a continent.

DO WE NEED ANY MORE REASONS??

I cannot believe that 46% of Americans felt she was more qualified than Joe Biden to be Vice President. Wake the fuck up! This is the woman that you would want leading our country in the event Joe McCain dies?

While we should be proud for electing Obama, we should be mortified for considering Palin.

Fucking shit.