Minimal cramping and minimal bleeding, so I'm well on my way to... "recovery." The nurse called to follow up, and she sounded pleased with my report. All I need to do is call my OB and schedule an appointment in the next couple weeks to make sure everything is okay. :)

I really do feel good, I'm not just saying that. And now that I have only two days of relaxation left, I'm not really looking forward to going back in to work. It won't really be work, though... I have tests and reading planned for Friday, and then we have Monday off for MLK. That means I can watch all of the Globes! :D See, I told you I was feeling good.

Going in for the D&C this afternoon. Even though I'm prepared for it, I still have my fingers crossed--the spotting stopped on Saturday. As I've never experienced this before, I don't know if that's good or bad. It would be nice, and quite surprising, if it were good. :) I'm not getting my hopes up, for obvious reasons. I have grown to like the idea of being out of work most of this week. The worst part of this day is fasting. I am not allowed to eat or drink anything until after the procedure. I am starving and thirsty. Anyway, I'll have plenty of time to update later.

Update [5:00pm]: Everything went as well as possible. I was out as soon as they said I would feel tired; I don't remember anything after looking up at the ceiling in the OR. I woke up about 20 minutes later, but the nurse told me to sleep it off. I woke up around 2 and the nurse gave me something to drink. (Mind you, I had been fasting since midnight.) Other than some minor cramping, I felt fine. While she was discharging me, the nurse wagged her finger at me and said, "And no sex for two weeks." Haha, I don't know if it's even possible with the blood getting in the way. ;) Anyway, I look foward to week of relaxation with my Baby... and my brother's ugly little rat dog.

The news is not good. The second hCG beta test did not show the expected doubling, so my doctor scheduled me for a D&C on Monday afternoon. He plans to do one more ultrasound just in case, but he is pretty sure I've miscarried. I'm actually fine with all of this--the only part that bothers me is how much work I've missed this week, and will miss next week. I'll be out Monday for the procedure, possibly Tuesday if I'm not feeling up to going, and Wednesday and Thursday because my parents will be out of town and I have no one to watch the Baby. I am also a bit bummed that my plan to have a two-year difference in Babies 1 and 2 didn't quite work out, so now they will probably be three years apart. (Not ideal.) But what can ya do? Just let nature take its course.

The dangers of being an Asian baby:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/01/05/china.chop.stick.kid/index.html

The ultrasound went as well as I could have hoped, although I didn't walk away completely reassured. The gestational sac is clearly visible (as well as the dermoid on the left ovary), but the doctor couldn't see a heartbeat. Her best guess was I wasn't far enough along for it to be visible yet. My OB and the radiologist said I was seven weeks, but I know I'm at most five. I don't understand why the pregnancy is calculated from the LMP, since I couldn't have possibly gotten pregnant on that day... or the five subsequent days. Anyway, the radiologist didn't see any hemorrhaging or other abnormalities that could explain the spotting, so I suppose it's just a waiting game now. My second blood draw tomorrow should confirm whether or not this is going to be a full-term pregnancy or miscarriage.

Honestly, I'm not upset at the idea of miscarrying because I know I haven't done anything to cause it. Everyone I've had communication with seems worried on my behalf and tries to reassure me that these things happen sometimes and I shouldn't worry. Well, thank you, but I'm not worried. If I miscarry, I miscarry. Then we get back to trying again. I'm sure I'd feel differently had this happened much further along, at a point where I recognized the being inside as my child. Right now, it's a sac.

Update tomorrow.

My OB was able to squeeze me in this afternoon. She couldn't see or feel anything out of the ordinary (other than the blood, obviously). She talked me through all the reasons this could be happening, like "threatened spontaneous abortion." She said the words as if I should feel reassured somehow that it wasn't a miscarriage in progress. I am scheduled to get an ultrasound tomorrow morning, which means I'll have to miss most of the day at work tomorrow (one of many days this month, sigh). Depending on the results, I'll either talk to her via phone from the radiology office with an "all clear, let's wait it out," or I'll be in her office Wednesday for a D&C if things aren't very good. I have my fingers crossed. I'm hoping that this is just normal spotting--she did tell me that most women who experience this type of spotting at this stage of the pregnancy go on to carry full term.

The good thing is I don't feel any pain or nausea, likely signs this is something I shouldn't be concerned about. I broke the news to Mom today; she too did not seem overly worried. She said it's fairly normal to experience bleeding early. She has experienced a few more pregnancies than I have, so I'll take her word for it.

The test said I'm preggers, which I had believed for the last two weeks. However, I've been spotting for the last four days. Initially, I was worried as I didn't experience any spotting with the first baby; however, I chose (or rather, didn't have any choice but) not to call my doctor as the office was closed. The bleeding, while it has been very light and only noticeable when I use the bathroom, got a bit redder and heavier today. Still not even as much as the last day of a period, but nevertheless a cause for concern. I will definitely call the doctor tomorrow to schedule something as soon as possible. Most of what I've read suggests I have nothing to worry about, but still other sites say miscarriage could result. Knock on wood.

Merry fucking Christmas. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Some suggestions for the new year:
(1) If you are not funny, and you think you are, and people don't laugh at your jokes, stop trying to be funny. It's not funny. Really.
(2) Update your Facebook status at most once a day, please. More than one means you're not being a productive member of neither society nor your company. And you're cluttering my news feed with your inane chatter about absolutely nothing that I would care about.
(3) Do not call to berate me about your child's failing grade. It is not my responsibility to see that your child passes. It is my obligation to teach your child to hold himself accountable, take responsibility for his actions, and accept the consequences of his actions. Please consider your child a reflection of you, and remember that I am judging you.
(4) Can someone please do something about that fucking pothole on 7? I hit it every day! I'm going to lose a tire one of these days.
(5) Let's all agree that there comes a point in life when we all need to take stock of our lives and fucking grow up. You know who you are. Also, growing up, in some cases, means you refrain from having children; the thought of you spreading your seed makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I don't want to see mini-versions of you continuing your stupid, immature ways.

Okay, I think five is good. Start small.

Snow! And lots of it. It has been years since we had this much snow so early. Forecast predicts some snow for Christmas--a white Christmas! The snow causes a bit of anxiety in the Baby; she worries about the cars covered in snow. About three or four times, she ran to the window to watch the snow, and expressed her concerns about the cars in the parking lot, piled high with snow. Right now, the snow is still coming. It has not let up since it started last night. I would really like to get out of the house, but Husband suggests that is a bad idea.

Currently waiting for Auntie Flow, but hoping she doesn't come for a visit. :)

Yummy, quick, healthy chili!

1 tbsp minced garlic
2 tbsp olive oil
2 lbs. ground turkey
2 cubano peppers (or whatever you desire), chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
1 can red kidney beans (15 oz)
1 can tomato paste (8 oz)
1 can diced tomatoes (14.5 oz)
1 cup fat free, low sodium chicken broth
chili powder
ground cumin
paprika
ground cayenne
hot sauce

Sautee the onion in the olive oil, adding in turkey to brown. Stir in cubano peppers. Add in the rest of the ingredients (minus the spices). You'll have to work with adding in the spices a little at time to taste. I just tend to dump in handfuls because we like our food with some kick. Hold the hot sauce if you prefer it mild. Let simmer on low heat for about 20 minutes. Enjoy!

We are trying to pregnant, and it's been a strange ride so far. Two weeks after my expected period, I tested negative three times... and then I had my period. It was a bit saddening, as I was excited that I could be pregnant, so getting my period was a disappointment. I look forward to being pregnant again--despite all the morning sickness, the "growing" pains, and the other health issues. Fingers crossed!

I thought this article on the effect of our social networks on our behaviors was interesting. This article made me feel relieved that I'm not friends with certain people that I used to socialize with in high school. Obesity is contagious!

Well, you became a super duper fatty... and I didn't. ^_^

Okay, I admit--that was mean. But is it really? This is the same person who used to eat BACON and cans of WHIPPED CREAM all day while on Atkin's. "They don't have carbs." But they contain FAT, and lots of it! "Let's go to Burger King. I just won't eat the bun." That's probably the healthiest part! "I don't think these cookies have carbs." I think they do!

Well, the best to you.

I have a new addiction, and it's consuming my life.

When I'm doing it, I tend to ignore things around me. When I'm not doing it, I keep thinking about it.

It's... Farmville. Hehe. I am a Level 21 Rockstar Farmer with a 18x18 plantation. I own a barn, a cottage, and a tool shed. I have elephants, cows, ducks, chickens, pigs, sheep, and bunnies. I grew sweet potato while I could. I want to find more neighbors so I can get lots of gifts! (So if you're a Farmer, please add me. Let's be neighbors!)

FYI: Your status updates are annoying. No, really. Please stop.

Ugh.

I want to have another baby, but the way Baby has been behaving recently isn't really helping my cause. She is especially fussy during the night every once in a while, which means she is up for 2-3 hours crying and demanding I rock her to sleep. On top of that, her overall behavior is shit because my parents spoil her and let her get away with murder.

If Husband is only going to let me have two babies, then I want to have the second one soon. I'd rather do it while I still have the energy (and working back muscles). I'm going to be waking up at 4:30 again for the next ten months; as long as I'm in that routine, it would be no difficult adjustment when the baby comes. (If the baby comes.) His reasoning against--it's tiring, he doesn't want to get up in the night--is selfish. These are the sacrifices you make when you decide to be a parent. He seems to forget that aside from feeding the Baby while I pumped, or changing a few diapers, I did most of the baby care. Even now, I do almost everything for her. He'll argue that she doesn't want him to [feed, change, bathe] her; really, she just isn't used to it because he doesn't do it. I'm the one who spent the last eighteen months taking care of people all day; from 4:30 a.m. to 10:00 p.m., it was Baby, 50 teenagers, or Husband I had to tend to. I get tired too, you know, but having to do all those things is what it means to be a full-time working parent.

I don't want to wait another year or two years or whatever. It will be easier to get back into the caring for a newborn when it's still fairly fresh in the past, rather than trying to remember how things are supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do.

Sigh. Perhaps he feels I pushed him into having the first one, thereby ending his days of coming and going as he pleases and having to wipe only one ass.

Maybe I'm just frustrated with Baby's tantrums today and feeling angry...

'Mommy bloggers' vow to avoid ethical conflicts

Perhaps it is a bit righteous to believe no one should profit from blogging. I do take issue with women to use blogging to get free samples and corporate backing; it seems to conflict with the whole idea of being a mommy blogger. The purpose of being a mommy blogger would seem to be sharing ideas and thoughts about parenthood. I don't feel we should use that opportunity to court the big companies. Granted, I can see where it would be nice to spend a little less on things we need for our children, but selling out to the companies is low.

Hey, I would love a year of free diapers, but I'm not going to shout my praises of [insert brand name]'s superb diapers. (I don't even use brand diapers. In fact, I found my generic diapers from my favorite warehouse box store looked exactly like the brand diapers we used to buy. The only difference was the generic ones didn't have stupid Disney characters prancing around.) It's one thing to win the diapers in a contest, but it's another to 'ask' for free diapers by posting glowing reviews on your blog.

I'll just stick to writing on my ad-free, not-for-profit blogs.

Home, and happy to be! No more cat hair.

Birthday party tomorrow with the Baby to celebrate a cousin's fifth. Still getting used to the kiddie parties--and the weird kids that go with them.

Is it September yet??

For the second time in the last week, Facebook has suggested a friend: Who is this person, and why was she suggested? Well, other than the obvious similarity in names. What, because she's Korean, and I'm Korean, and we have the same name, we should be friends? I am offended.

Am in the process of purchasing a new laptop. Haven't actually initiated the process. While I have much desire for a new one, I lack the motivation to browse. Husband has been looking for me, but his options have not struck my fancy. I would use my work laptop, but I'd rather not leave evidence of my Facebook addiction.

With all this free time, I've been running through a list of places I'd like to visit. (Perhaps the gray, drizzly weather is contributing to my desire to be in warm, sunny, and sandy places.) In no particular order:

- U.S. Virgin Islands, The Bahamas, and other major islands (Grand Cayman, St. Kitts, St. Bart)
- Spain (particularly Barcelona, Madrid, and Costa del Sol)
- Turkey
- Ireland (a bit gray and drizzly there too, I bet...and not particularly warm or sandy)
- Egypt
- Greece
- Sydney and Melbourne, Australia
- Italy

The only part of traveling I dread is the packing and unpacking. If my luggage could magically appear at my destination, and then reappear at home upon return, I would enjoy traveling so much more. We'll be driving up to New York in a few weeks, and I hate the thought of packing. Inevitably, I leave something important behind, either at home or there.

Oh, blah. Let's just stay home and go to the pool. The tan is coming along...

My mind is cluttered. My heart is heavy. I feel lonely...

I need warm weather.