Ugh.

I want to have another baby, but the way Baby has been behaving recently isn't really helping my cause. She is especially fussy during the night every once in a while, which means she is up for 2-3 hours crying and demanding I rock her to sleep. On top of that, her overall behavior is shit because my parents spoil her and let her get away with murder.

If Husband is only going to let me have two babies, then I want to have the second one soon. I'd rather do it while I still have the energy (and working back muscles). I'm going to be waking up at 4:30 again for the next ten months; as long as I'm in that routine, it would be no difficult adjustment when the baby comes. (If the baby comes.) His reasoning against--it's tiring, he doesn't want to get up in the night--is selfish. These are the sacrifices you make when you decide to be a parent. He seems to forget that aside from feeding the Baby while I pumped, or changing a few diapers, I did most of the baby care. Even now, I do almost everything for her. He'll argue that she doesn't want him to [feed, change, bathe] her; really, she just isn't used to it because he doesn't do it. I'm the one who spent the last eighteen months taking care of people all day; from 4:30 a.m. to 10:00 p.m., it was Baby, 50 teenagers, or Husband I had to tend to. I get tired too, you know, but having to do all those things is what it means to be a full-time working parent.

I don't want to wait another year or two years or whatever. It will be easier to get back into the caring for a newborn when it's still fairly fresh in the past, rather than trying to remember how things are supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do.

Sigh. Perhaps he feels I pushed him into having the first one, thereby ending his days of coming and going as he pleases and having to wipe only one ass.

Maybe I'm just frustrated with Baby's tantrums today and feeling angry...