Tuesday, June 28, 2005


well, the summer's off to a good start. (i think.) :P

i'm working with some really cool people, so it should be fun. mike, ben, raymond, janet (my cousin), and i have been spending an hour or so after work just venting and talking about our days. since we're all relatively close in age, we get along pretty well. today, janet suggested we go out for happy hour after work sometime. ben and raymond can't (they're 19), and i don't drink. :P janet said it wouldn't be any fun with just mike. ;) i said i'd go even if i didn't drink, but having one could be fun, hehe. well another thing holding me back was the fact i have to give two kids a ride home every afternoon, but kathy told me i didn't have to on thursdays, so i can go out with the teachers.

hmm, the teachers... well, ben looks like ryan, and it's a little awkward for me. :P i keep crossing my arms when i'm around him because i always get this urge to put my arm around him. :X not because i want to, it's just instinctive with ryan. mike's also really good-looking - he looks like a frat boy. :P a little on the skinny side. i think some of the girls think he's cute too. raymond's asian, so... haha. :) it's nice to be working with attractive people - i've got lots to look at when i'm at work. :P

but i told ryan, no one sets my pants on fire like he does. :D <3

my kids are pretty good. i have the rising 8th/9th graders, so i don't really have behavior issues. just ringing cell phones which i confiscate. mike takes them for social studies, but i have most of them for spanish. i've got two of the younger kids in my spanish class too, and i was so surprised at how well they picked it up. they were actually better than the older kids. i'm so proud of them. :) they're so cute. i really like the kids this year. i can't say there are any i don't like. well, there's one kid from last year, he's still his really annoying self. i can deal with him... he's a little afraid of me. :P

ah... have to do some planning for tomorrow...

Friday, June 24, 2005

teachers don't get paid enough


who knew DC teachers got paid so much? maybe i should be teaching in DC.

on second thought, it's not worth the risk. :P i'd rather be cozy in a suburban school.

to do summer 2005

in no particular order:
  • sign my FCPS contract
  • watch "Land of the Dead" (Simon Baker!)
  • watch "Bewitched"
  • reread Paradise Lost
  • go to Six Flags
  • go to Busch Gardens
  • go to Anupama's wedding!
  • Victoria's 1st birthday :D
  • celebrate ryan's 24th birthday
  • weekend get-away with ryan ;) <3
  • stay sane during the summer program
  • look, don't touch (boys at work)
  • lose another 15 lbs. :P
  • weekend road trip to... wherever!
  • make a lot of $$$
  • wear my bathing suit at least once ;)
i'm sure i'll think of more...

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


well, i finally got my period yesterday. i'm a week late. ryan said he would have been worried under different circumstances. :P i called dr. b, but she was completely baffled. well, at least i'm not bleeding between expected periods.

this is turning into a long week. i had a hectic day yesterday. i found out that the registrar's office hadn't received my application for graduation. :O well, i got it all taken care of, so i should be straight by the end of this week. i've also got a lot to get done before the summer program starts on monday. (yay i get an entire weekend before going back to work! *grumble*)

i've had no appetite for the past few days. the thought of food makes me nauseous. i had no problems eating some cereal this morning. bland foods don't make me gag too much. today's dinner will be a cup of yogurt and a banana. hooray for my weird broken body.

okay, time to work.

Monday, June 20, 2005

my heart yearns for you...

in six weeks, i'll find myself spending the weekend here: the inn at easton. the occasion? it's a two-in-one weekend: ryan's 24th birthday and our two-year anniversary. :)

the next six weeks will be long... <3

Friday, June 17, 2005

busy friday

i've kept myself pretty busy today, but it felt good to be doing things just for me. it's been a while.

i went this morning to meet with medina again. she gave me the english 9 lit book to look over. we talked a little about some particulars. i saw sue in the hallway, and she asked if i was going to teach in the fall. apparently medina has told the entire english department. :P

on my way in, i saw one of my students lounging in front of the school. she saw me and jumped up to hug me. :D she was one of the students i feared would fail english and be held back. fortunately, she said she passed english. hooray for her. (the student i saw on wednesday had failed english... he had a C when i left.)

i went shopping up in leesburg too. sunday's father's day, so i bought my dad a blue Polo shirt, and i got a pink one for my mom while i was there. i got myself a red Polo t-shirt. then i went to the gap and got a pink smocked babydoll shirt. ;) i picked up a few tanks too. i'm all set for summer. :D i only spent $45 on myself, so i think i did well.

ah yea, i experienced something funny on my way back from leesburg. the parkway out in reston becomes two lanes on either side. the traffic was pretty heavy, and i was lost in a sea of cars at a light. all of a sudden, i see all the cars behind me pull out onto the left shoulder, and the cars in the other lane over into the right shoulder. then i saw the flashing red lights of an emergency vehicle. i followed suit, as did the cars in front of me. as soon as the truck got through the traffic, everyone turned the noses of their cars back into the lanes, almost in unison. it was funny. :P (the truck ended up doing a u-turn at the light and turning off its lights.)

okay, i still have the rest of the day to negotiate...

Thursday, June 16, 2005

virus-laden poo

you might not want to touch it.

and in other news, i just looked over a list that kathy made of who's doing what during the summer. she has me done to do ESL and math. that's not what she originally told me. i hate teaching ESL. hate it, hate it, hate it. that's not what i got my degree in, and that's not what i want to do. ugh. >:( why does she think she can assign me to whatever she wants? i was supposed to teach 7th grade, but she's given that to this other guy who, btw, speaks english with a strong korean accent. he came by yesterday, and i heard her tell him he could choose whatever level he wanted. what? no. i've already put together things for the 7th graders, and i've ordered a few things online that i want to use. i DON'T want to teach ESL, and i don't want to teach algebra. she's also making me take over the 1st grade class halfway through the summer unless i can find someone else. why is that my job to find a teacher? god. if there's anything i've learned from this, never work for Korean people. they will squeeze you for all you're worth and not compensate you for any of it. kathy can forget about asking me to work here after i start working. it's not worth my time. i'm already driving 20 miles to get here. she tried asking me to drive some kids in the summer that live in woodbridge. um, they live closer to dumfries than to dale city. their mom is only willing to shell out $10 a day for rides. $10 for the two hours of driving everyday, sitting in traffic at 7am? i'm korean, i'm not stupid.

kathy relies on me to do so much of her work. well, this will definitely be the last summer i work for her.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

you should die

to the asswipe on the green motorcycle who cut me off today:

had you decided to cut across all four lanes and dive in front of me in the right turn lane just half a second later, my car would have sucked you under.

asswipe, the light was red. being on a motorcycle does not give you permission to drive however the fuck you want. straddle lanes, fine. weave through four lanes of traffic and come out from in front of a truck?

i honked at you, so you decided to ride at 10mph to piss me off, right? dude. rev your motor all you want, but my little car could so beat up your little bike.

asswipe, i hope you die today.


Tuesday, June 14, 2005


meeting with the principal on wednesday.
working with my cousin this summer.

in other news:

dot dot dot . . .

Friday, June 10, 2005

almost there

the hiring process has begun... fingers crossed. :)

last week was our 22-month anniversary. :D just seven more weeks until we celebrate two years. i want to go somewhere nice that weekend - ryan's supposed to surprise me. i've been looking at some really gorgeous inns on the eastern shore, and i showed ryan a few that i had really liked. :) i'm looking forward to our get-away.

i probably should have gone shopping today. i need to get something for father's day. i guess i can go next weekend. i wanted to go look at rings again too. i want to get my parents wedding bands for their anniversary this year, but i haven't seen any that i really like yet.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

life is ordinary

there hasn't been much going on. i try to keep myself occupied.

last weekend, i saw mr. slocumb with some of his kids at springfield plaza. i recognized him right away, and he saw me too. one big happy reunion, yay! he's awesome. he was my one of my favorite teachers - and the orchestra teacher i actually liked. i told him i'd visit soon. school's going to be out in two weeks, i should squeeze in a visit.

i also banged up my right knee. that entire leg is going to be useless in a few years. i blacked out for a second while i was walking to the kitchen and fell flat on my face. i landed really hard on my right knee. i almost fell again that same day, while i was in my room. hmm... i told ryan that there's something wrong with my inner ear. (i think i might have said middle... i'm such a crackhead.) my right hip is still giving me problems. i'm determined i'm beyond repair at this point. :X

celebrate fairfax this weekend. that's probably all i'll do, unless ryan had something else in mind.

Friday, June 03, 2005

i can't sleep

i've worn myself out tonight... but sleep eludes me. my head, my heart - swimming with emotions i can't control. i have to be up in five and a half hours...

tom's car was in the driveway when i pulled in. i knew he had come to pick up more of his things - clothes, some shoes, little things from his room. as i walked to the front door, the only thing i could think to say was, "did you get your mail?"

it couldn't have been more than two minutes after that that i looked out the window and he was gone. it's been a month since i've seen him, and those trifling words about mail were all i could utter?

it triggered something inside - deep inside - and i cried as soon as i got to my room. that was 7:45. i've been crying since. there's just so much i think and feel about him that goes unsaid. i don't know what to do with it all except keep it stuffed into some hole in my heart.

how could i have failed him so terribly?
why did i fail him?

i think about him every day. it's hard not to. he's a part of me that picked up and left without a word. never called on graduation day. didn't even say bye today. it's depressing. he's been on my mind a lot lately, and it's like everything i do, everywhere i go, everyone i see reminds me of him.

it hurts.

the other night, ryan and i were talking about kids... names, how many. he said he only wanted two because that was a good number for him. i want more, but he said four was too many. one of the reasons he gave for wanting just two was he only had one sibling and it worked out nicely. i countered that it doesn't always work out - like tom and i.

at that point, i couldn't think of any way to describe to him how empty i've felt because i didn't really have a brother. how do you explain that to someone who has a good relationship with his sister? i probably would have started crying if i hadn't stopped myself. how did my life turn out this way? why do i still feel so alone?

because my true other half is missing...

i remember the first time i truly felt like i had failed him. and i remember what i said to him. why hadn't i been more understanding?

i am hurting.
and i can't make it stop.

does he hate me?
is he angry?

Thursday, June 02, 2005


i have my accounts with wachovia, so this article interested me:

"Wachovia apologizes for slavery ties"

why does anyone seem surprised to learn that companies started in the 1800s employed people or were started by people that owned slaves? i fail to see the reason behind this public disclosure. too little, too late, no? at this point in time, there isn't anything that wachovia can do about acquired institutions being associated with slavery. it just doesn't make any sense to me. that these two companies acquired by wachovia used to hold slaves doesn't change the way wachovia handles their business now.

i don't know, things like this frustrate me. not to trivialize an important part of this country's history, but how does public acknowledgement of past wrongdoing make anything better (in this situation)? it's one thing for the government to acknowledge and apologize for slavery, but it seems absurd for financial institutions to say, "hey we had slaves a long time ago. we're sorry."

maybe there's more to this that i'm just not seeing...

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

time flies

this is a short week for me. no work on monday (obviously), no work on friday (as usual), and no work next monday (the kids don't have school). :D

i had a great weekend, though. i saw ryan on friday, saturday, AND sunday. how awesome is that? we had dinner at the cheesecake factory. the food was sooo good, and we had the best cheesecake i've tasted. we definitely had to walk it off afterwards. ;) on sunday, i helped him get his laundry done, but mostly we watched tv (lots of SVU) and played. :D

this weekend is springfield days. it'll be nice to spend some time outside this weekend. it's been a while since we've been outside - last time was HFStival three weeks ago. next weekend is celebrate fairfax, maybe we can hit that up too. :) so much i want to do, and never enough time in the world to do it! i want to go to six flags too - i'm hoping we can get through a day there without ryan feeling sick. :P

i've got a lot of free time this week, so i'll probably spend friday picking up a few things i need for ryan's birthday present. it's still two months away, but i need to get it all out of the way. :)

well, off to work, then to see ryan tonight. :) can't believe it's already wednesday!