Tuesday, January 05, 2010

The ultrasound went as well as I could have hoped, although I didn't walk away completely reassured. The gestational sac is clearly visible (as well as the dermoid on the left ovary), but the doctor couldn't see a heartbeat. Her best guess was I wasn't far enough along for it to be visible yet. My OB and the radiologist said I was seven weeks, but I know I'm at most five. I don't understand why the pregnancy is calculated from the LMP, since I couldn't have possibly gotten pregnant on that day... or the five subsequent days. Anyway, the radiologist didn't see any hemorrhaging or other abnormalities that could explain the spotting, so I suppose it's just a waiting game now. My second blood draw tomorrow should confirm whether or not this is going to be a full-term pregnancy or miscarriage.

Honestly, I'm not upset at the idea of miscarrying because I know I haven't done anything to cause it. Everyone I've had communication with seems worried on my behalf and tries to reassure me that these things happen sometimes and I shouldn't worry. Well, thank you, but I'm not worried. If I miscarry, I miscarry. Then we get back to trying again. I'm sure I'd feel differently had this happened much further along, at a point where I recognized the being inside as my child. Right now, it's a sac.

Update tomorrow.

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