growing pains

(A few days after she came home.)

On Wednesday, May 2, at 4:00pm, our beloved May passed. She would have been eleven this month. We had to put her down to end days of pain she had endured due to chronic bronchitis and cancer.

We were all pretty stressed out this week. She got sick suddenly, so we weren't prepared. If she had been old and in pain, we could have prepared and expected her death. It took me three days to come to terms with her situation and be okay with letting her go. How do you let go of a dog you've raised for eleven years? I didn't realize how much a part of my life she was until I received that phone call saying she was dying.


(Probably 2 or 3 years old.)

Today, I feel fine, but I'm still depressed. Just thinking about that empty doghouse and food bowl makes my chest tighten.

In her last days, she had such a hard time breathing that she didn't have enough energy to do much else. As hard as it was to watch that first needle, I know she is living peacefully somewhere else. No leashes. No collars. Plenty of squirrels to chase.

I love you, May.


(On Monday, at the vet's office.)

tragedy begets ignorance

Let me begin by saying I am horrified by this week's events. I grieve along with the nation.

I have tried to ignore many of the recent casual remarks about Cho Seung-Hui and South Koreans in general, but the baseless and ignorant comments are irritating.

Today, a professor at Virginia Tech, hypothesized that one of Cho's images from his "manifesto" might have been inspired by the movie "Oldboy." I resent this pathetic attempt at explaining Cho's actions. First of all, "Oldboy" is a critically acclaimed movie by a respected Korean director. Second, what the fuck was his reasoning behind this declaration? Apparently, anyone who holds a hammer above their heads is demonstrating a desire to dispatch a dozen men, and there's just no other explanation for it. Already, more enlightened and rational people have denounced this professor's theory as ridiculous. Seriously, what the hell? It's probable he found inspiration in movies, and even in the events at Columbine, but don't make stupid connections.

I bet this professor made that stupid connection because it was the only Korean movie he could think of. His rationale? "He's Korean, so he must have gotten his idea from a Korean movie. He must have seen it; he's Korean."

Ugh. You people disgust me.

korea is . . .

"spa-kur-ing," according to this new tv commercial. anyone else seen it? >.<

seriously, who was the brain behind this one? that the guy says "sparkling" in the thickest korean accent only makes the commercial worse. apparently, all korean people do is dance at clubs with bad lighting, wear clothes from the 1600s, and wear red at soccer games.

there is only one word to describe that.

spakuring.

another year

well, it was my birthday a few days ago . . . i was at the in-laws for a few days. we had cake and i got a singing card. it would have been nice if i could have been here for my birthday; i know my parents would have liked it.

and of course, the good friends remembered. man, i need new friends . . .

i had to think about how old i would be, making me realize i'm getting old. seriously. 26? how often do you have to think about how old you are at 26? now i'm officially in my late 20s. i can look forward to 30. (haha.)

our wedding album is finally "in the works." the photog sent me a preview of the first 5 pages, and they look good. hopefully he can get them done before the end of the month. it would be a nice birthday present to give my mom.

this isn't much of a spring break . . . i feel busy.

i miss the inspiration . . .

perhaps it's illogical to miss depression . . . but who can deny its power to inspire? but i do enjoy being happy. :) we watched 2.2 of romeo and juliet (luhrmann) - i had forgotten how flushed i get watching that scene. hopelessly romantic? absolutely.

utterly random . . .

happy lunar new year!

technically, it is the year of the pig. but...

it should be the year of the panda. ^_^

happy valentine's day!

we don't have big plans for tonight--just dinner at home together. :) that isn't any different from our normal routine, but just knowing it's our first valentine's as a married couple makes it special. i thought about other things we could do, but i'd rather sit around in sweats with my unkempt hair eating a homemade dinner with my husband. :D we've conquered four months with just a handful of tiffs--what better to mark the occasion than to enjoy one another in the simplest of evenings.

today isn't about celebrating couples; it's about celebrating life. to all my unattached friends--do something for yourselves today, with the utmost sense of indulgence and satisfaction. embrace yourselves, love yourselves, and above all, seek happiness within.

valentine's day shouldn't be the one day of the year you tell your s.o. "i love you." say it every day. every night. in the car. at the supermarket. on the phone. by email. at the movies. in bed. all the time.

may everyone's snow day be filled with love. :)

carrrrrrrrne asada

you have to say it sexy.
carrrrrrrrrrrrne asada.

lmfao

my life is boring

it's calming, really. i like being relaxed. it gives me time to do... lots of nothing. ideally, i'd take advantage of my time--i've got a stack of books on the dining table which i want to read. i could be planning my next units. i could obsessively clean the house, but i'm not depressed enough to do that. :)

we've got three months under our belts, and we're doing well. and there's nothing sweeter than that...

the death of an inventor

"inventor," perhaps? well, apparently the man who "invented" Cup Noodle (the Cup Noodle) has passed away. unfortunately, the Cup Noodle didn't go with him.

am i the only asian person in the world who hates Cup Noodle? it makes me gag more than...

anyway, it makes me gag. i prefer real instant noodles (oxymoron?) i can buy only in asian markets. i don't eat them much, considering i have no immediate wish to suffer a heart attack, but they taste better. drop in an egg and mmmm.

all across america, college students quietly mourn the death of their savior, they make a note of it in their instant messaging profiles/myspace blogs/live journals, they fly their boxers at half staff. (do you find that as funny as i do?)

why be coy?

being coy may work if you are a living, breathing female, but it doesn't work if you are a website advertising a service or product.

it's become a pet peeve. for instance, gym websites are notorious for those "come in and see us for a quote" lures. most of the time, the trip there isn't worth your time because they quote some exorbitant fees. the least they could do is give the rate for the most basic membership.

even the sunday ads are now using those same coy lures to get people in the stores. i haven't been able to figure out why prices for cases of soda have gone up so much in recent years. i remember when they were regularly $2; today on sale you're lucky to find $2 deals. but then the stores decide to be coy--"Check out our low price!" it says. yea well, check out my middle finger!

was this a pointless rant?
yes.
want to hear more? email me!

(groan)

is it christmas yet?

the question i'm really asking is, "is it christmas already?" cheese and rice.

we've given ourself this week to figure out who (to buy gifts for) and what (to get them), and then use saturday and sunday for shopping. we're cutting it pretty close but... i am definitely not a holiday person.

or perhaps, i lack spirit.

in other utterly important news, i am reading what is the what by david eggers. i was turned on to eggers by mike. i never got around to finishing you shall know our velocity, but i do mean to. it's... somewhere. it was actually quite good (the part i managed to read), and i will finish it. eventually. but for now, i need to sate my obsession with the lost boys of sudan. i saw "god grew tired of us" a few weeks ago with ryan. ever since, i have been doing my darnedest to get out the word about the movie. many of my kids are interested in seeing it. i look forward to incorporating it into the year with 10th graders.

anyway, what is the what should be on your reading list.

off i go to flit around in the living room to the song for our first dance.

if i just lay, if i just lay here,
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

delayed chaos

my family has always been... crazy. crazy but fun. this year, i didn't spend thanksgiving with them here. ryan and i drove up to new york to spend the holiday with his parents. i knew what i was getting into -- we had a quiet thanksgiving. it was a stark contrast to the talking, laughing, joking, dancing, singing, playing my family does at the holidays.

one of my family's traditions at thanksgiving is to play cards. we usually play 31, which we learned a few years back and have been obsessed with playing. the two with the lowest scores have to buy ice cream for our new year's party. then, we play again that day and plan for next thanksgiving. i missed the card playing and the ice cream. undoubtedly, i missed out on victoria dancing and/or singing, which never ceases to entertain anyone!

it wasn't until last thursday, as i sat on the couch and watched the macy's thanksgiving parade, that i was finally thankful for a big family.

in spite of our differences.

very married

it's been a hectic month of adjusting to each other's constant presence. :) i love being married. i can be crazy and domestic. i've been doing lots of laundry, cooking, cleaning, organizing, shopping.

we have yet to meet with the photog about designing our album and getting our pictures from him. the pictures were great because we had so much fun at the reception. and i didn't even have to get drunk! :P

time to relax some...

tomorrow i get married

it's been a long week--a lot of frustrations, but i'm glad that part of it is over.

my dad apologized for the things he said... i can leave with peace of mind.

tomorrow, i add "wife" to my list of titles.

are we there yet?

it's been a long week, but i have another long week ahead. this being the last week before the wedding, i am starting to feel the pressure of orchestrating this event. we have pretty much everything set, except the centerpieces. there's also the matter of place cards and the program, which i spent twelve hours creating today. whew.

ryan's out with ken tonight, having his last hurrah. i've been trying not to think about it. :) he hasn't really had some time to do guy things in a long time, especially since i take up this weekends. he mentioned something about going to the shooting range, which sounds pretty cool. ken hadn't made any plans to go to a strip club, but ryan and i both know that they will probably end up at one because you just end up places when ken is driving.

with only eight days left, i am getting a bit nervous. i know things will be great, especially since so many of my friends will be there. (this is where carena would interject with something about how ms. so-and-so should not have been invited because she can be a pretty shit friend. i agree, but whatever--gifts!) i'm determined to have fun. :)

i can't wait to lay down next to ryan again and fall asleep...

never ever...

...have i had as much fun as i did last night with carena, jules, mary, and yvonne!! ^_^ it should be illegal. alcohol (some), nudity (partial), groping (lots)... but, best of all, laughter (all night long)!

thank you, girls! i didn't think i'd enjoy my bachelorette party so much. :*)

pics up later.

why can't everyone be reliable?

for maybe the 6th time, the DJ for my wedding has cancelled our appointment. at this point, he is starting to look like a jackass because he comes up with one excuse or another not to meet. now, you have to understand, i don't have lots of time to drive all the way out to leesburg to meet him. (he's driving there from martinsburg, wv.) at least he has stopped putting "lol" in his emails. that was pretty juvenile.

and in other news...

-__- i don't know if it's the change in weather and season, or what... but i've been feeling mighty blue recently... tears and all.

i need a vacation.

four-hour erections?

LOL have you seen the VW commercial with the two middle-aged guys talking about four-hour erections right before they crash?

silly.

you read my mind

yea, me too.